Total pages in book: 77
Estimated words: 72990 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 365(@200wpm)___ 292(@250wpm)___ 243(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 72990 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 365(@200wpm)___ 292(@250wpm)___ 243(@300wpm)
“Wait,” she yells. “Wait.”
They’re loading Kain into the ambulance and Ellie forces her way between the broad shoulders of the onlooking staff. “Kain’s fiancée,” she yells, pushing me forward. “She’ll travel with him.”
Eyes drop to my hand, searching for the evidence. Coach’s eyebrows raise, but he doesn’t question what he’s been told. “Let her in,” he says.
I stumble on the step, my legs not working properly. Ellie tells me to breathe and asks me to call her from the hospital.
I nod, numb, as if I’ve been given anesthesia before surgery. “And call Dalton or Blake.”
Coach turns to Ellie. “I’ve called his dad,” he says. “We’ll meet at the hospital.”
I turn my head to where Kain is lying, hooked to machines that whir and beep, his face covered by an oxygen mask, his arm threaded with IVs. It doesn’t look like him, so helpless and broken. This isn’t the man that can scoop me into his arms and make love to me with the passion and ferocity of ten men. This game has broken him.
His fingers twitch, those same fingers that have given me so much pleasure, and his vulnerability hits me in the chest like a freight train. I reach out and rest my hand on the only part of him I can reach, his calf. I tell him I’m here, that he’s okay, that everything’s going to be fine. My voice starts out shakily but builds with strength and determination. This is a moment where I can step up or fall apart. Kain needs me to be fierce. He needs to have confidence rather than despair. I shrug off my fear and don a mask of surety.
“Kain Nowak,” I say sternly, drawing the attention of the paramedic who’s writing notes as we fly under blue flashing lights to the nearest hospital. “You hear me? I need you, baby. I need you. Stay with me.”
His fingers twitch again, and I believe that he can hear me. “That’s it, Kain. Stay with me.”
I push my damp hair away from my forehead and twist so I can place both hands on his body. Feel me, I pray. Feel me here with you because I don’t want to be anywhere else.
I don’t know what to say to him, but I know that hearing my voice can help him remain grounded in whatever consciousness he has. “Remember when we were kids?” I ask. “When I’d toss paper airplanes into your bedroom, and you’d throw them right back?”
The paramedic smiles at me. “You guys have known each other for that long?”
I nod and he smiles, his cheeks forming dimples that make him instantly younger. “That’s true love right there…”
My heart constricts and thuds like it’s trying to punch me from the inside.
Love?
It’s such a loaded word, filled with expectations and promises, deep as the ocean, unfathomable as the vastest plain.
I thought I didn’t want it, didn’t feel it, but it snuck up on me, climbing onto my back where I couldn’t see it, and even though I felt its weight, I could still deny its presence.
But I can’t deny it anymore. I love this man, deep in my bones, the feeling rooted to the core of me where all my memories of him as a dark-haired, blue eyed little boy who’d always wait for me when I lagged behind, live.
“Those airplanes that I used to throw, and you threw right back…I wrote inside them. I told you that I loved you so many times, but you never opened them to find out the truth. And then my dad…” I swipe at my face, frustrated by the tear that has escaped. “...I couldn’t face feeling it anymore.”
The beat of Kain’s heart has been steady on the monitor, but now each beat creeps closer to the one before. Panic rises inside me, and I squeeze his leg harder. He has to know how I feel, right here, right now. There’s no waiting, no time to sort my feelings from the list of reasons why what’s grown between us is a terrible idea.
None of that matters now. Not when Kain’s life is on the line. Not when I know how deep the well of loss will be if he’s no longer in my life…if he’s taken from me. I lean forward, squeezing his calf as hard as I can, needing to penetrate the darkness behind his closed lids. If I could put my lips on his, I would, but this is my option.
And I tell him loud and clear what’s wrapped around my heart like vines of ivy.
“I love you, Kain Nowak, but if you leave me now, I will never forgive you as long as I live.”
22
DALTON
When Dad comes to find me, I’m laying brick with my headphones on, blasting The Killers way too loud. He tugs out one ear pod and I notice how empty of color his usual ruddy face is. “Kain’s hurt. He’s in the hospital. I need you to drive me. I can’t…”