Total pages in book: 74
Estimated words: 70570 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 353(@200wpm)___ 282(@250wpm)___ 235(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 70570 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 353(@200wpm)___ 282(@250wpm)___ 235(@300wpm)
I don’t want to look anyone’s way. I don’t want to be here.
“Malcolm?”
I turn to find Cole having stood up. Apparently, I walked right past my seat. He peers at me with concern. Yes, he even wears the expression of ‘concern’ like a trained runway model, yet somehow makes it look completely natural and unrehearsed.
“I have to, uh, go,” I tell him from a table and a half away.
He leaves his spot and comes right up to me. “Are you alright? Did you drink too much and get sick?”
Something like that, but not in the way he thinks. “Rain check on the movie. Sorry. I need to leave.” I slip out of the dining hall in a hurry and narrowly avoid crashing into a wall on my way.
Cole catches me in the small lobby, just as I open the front doors to the church. “But it’s still raining outside!”
A bright flash of lightning paints my shadow over his face for an instant. “I know.”
“It isn’t safe, Malcolm. Can I take you home, at least?”
“I just need to be by myself.”
“I … I understand that. I respect that. You can be alone, but let me at least take you back to the ranch safely. It’s dark, it’s raining, and it’s too far on foot. Also, you’ve been drinking, and it wouldn’t be responsible of me to let you go by yourself in this condition.” He comes up to my side, asserting himself. “I’m serious, Malcolm. Either I take you, or I’ll find someone else here who can.”
I’m clutching the handle of the door. The rain isn’t letting up. Everything feels wrong and terrible. Why does he care so much?
Then: “Was it something I said?” asks Cole.
I look at him. “What? No.”
“I should’ve been more supportive of your feelings. You said a few things about Jimmy and Bobby and I dismissed them. I didn’t give you a chance to explain. Maybe there’s really bad history there and … and I should’ve listened. I’m sorry.”
I press a hand to my forehead. Everything is still spinning. “It all doesn’t matter anymore.”
“It does matter. Do you want to talk about it now? The whole chapel is empty. We could grab a bench someplace, away from all the loud people, and just … just talk. How’s that sound?”
Like a nightmare.
I should appreciate his sensitivity. Anyone in their right mind would see Cole Harding as a prince with the way he treats people like me—people who don’t deserve his kindness.
But I’m not in my right mind. So instead, I find it annoying. “You once accused me of being considerate of others' feelings.”
Cole squints at me, confused. “Accused you …?”
“When I invited Samuel to join us on our lunch date. You said I think of others. Cole, you have me so wrong. I don’t think of … of anyone but myself. I’m selfish. I’m a miserable, terrible person.”
His face collapses. “No, you’re not.”
“And if you knew any better, if you were just a fraction less of a forgiving, patient gentleman, you would realize how much your perfect smile is wasted on me.”
“Please don’t talk so badly about yourself, Malcolm.”
“I’m not going to the wedding tomorrow. I’m done.” I blink a dozen times in a row, then pinch the bridge of my nose. “I am such a lightweight. How much did I have to drink? Two tiny glasses?”
“S-Seven and a half.”
I stare at Cole in shock. “You were counting …??”
“I count everything. I think I have a problem, too. Please don’t go out into that crazy rain.”
“Crazy rain? It’s barely drizzling.”
A bright flash of lightning blinds us right then, followed by a crackling boom that makes the ground tremble. The rain picks up even more, deafening and wildly windy.
Cole takes my hand.
I meet his eyes.
“You’re not a bad person, Malcolm. I believe it in my heart.”
“You should stop listening to your heart, then.”
“I believe good people can do bad things sometimes,” he goes on. “Good people can have bad thoughts. Good people can get mad or be unfair or wish ill will on others. It’s just part of being human. I think you’re a good person, Malcolm, whether you believe it or not. I think you’re good. You’re just hurting right now and I think you just need a friend.”
I gaze into his eyes. Surprisingly, all of his perfectness is lost on me in this moment. None of it means anything. What do I know about anything or anyone? Apparently Jimmy is a nice guy. Bobby is cluelessly in love. Samuel, who loved pestering me every waking second since I got here, is nowhere to be found. Cole is talking to me like a licensed therapist. None of these things make sense.
Everything I know is flipping upside-down on me.
Love doesn’t make sense. People don’t make sense. Is this how Mom felt before she ran away?