Total pages in book: 128
Estimated words: 122966 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 615(@200wpm)___ 492(@250wpm)___ 410(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 122966 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 615(@200wpm)___ 492(@250wpm)___ 410(@300wpm)
Fuck, fuck. I couldn’t stop hearing Finn’s screams.
Or my own.
The same nurse from before opened the door, and I rushed out the words.
“Don’t give her my number again unless it’s an absolute emergency,” I said. “There’s a new number in that case. My old number will stop working next week because it’s through my job, and I just quit.” The lies rolled off my tongue without difficulty, and the nurse told me to hold on while she got me a form to fill out.
Four
I spent the next few days in my new house, surrounded by tools and equipment to work on the damaged floorboards, but I barely left my bed in the middle of the living room. One panic attack set off another, until I drank myself into oblivion.
Everything came back to me, much like it had last time after Angie had presented me with her “surprise.”
“Sweetie, I know you said you didn’t want me to reach out to your mother, but…I spoke to her, and she’s so sincere. She wants to see you.”
I uncapped another bottle of bourbon and took a swig.
I couldn’t believe I’d opened up to her. Angie knew everything, except for the most gruesome details. I’d told her about the games my mother had us play as kids. Hide-and-seek, tag, and “if you touch the floor, you’ll eat your dinner off it!”
I remembered those times when Finn and I had been forced to lick tomato soup off the fucking floor as if they’d happened yesterday.
After taking another few swigs, I screwed on the cap and tossed the bottle near my leg. The memories kept assaulting me, and I pressed the heels of my palms against my eyes.
“Mommy, please stop! He’s bleeding!”
The worst punishment I’d ever received was probably when I’d called my aunt for help. Finn had wet the bed, I recalled, so our mother had forced him to take a bath. He’d stayed in the water an entire day; he was cold, scared, hungry, but she refused to let him out of the tub. Then, hopped up on whatever pills she’d taken, she’d threatened to throw the toaster in there if he didn’t stop crying.
I’d darted out into the kitchen and called her sister, hoping she’d come save us.
Joke was on me. Our aunt had been worse.
I reached for the bottle again.
Whatever Finn was doing with his life now, I hoped he did a better job than me. I hoped he’d been able to move on. Last I heard, he lived in Seattle and worked in radio. Okay, I hadn’t heard it; I’d looked him up.
I blew out a breath and waited for the pain in my chest to dissipate.
If I died of a heart attack, I probably wouldn’t take it seriously until my last breath. I’d just mistake it for anxiety and another panic attack.
When my phone buzzed under my pillow, I made a bet with myself. Fifty bucks that it was Angie again.
The bitch hadn’t deleted my number, nor had she stopped texting me.
She was convinced that I was punishing her for anger directed at myself.
In other words, she could not be more wrong.
What would it take to finally be left alone?
I dug out my phone and saw that I owed myself fifty bucks.
Please answer me, Avery. We can’t end things like this. We shared everything for eight years.
I wasted eight years on her. I only shared everything for six, because I shut down once she’d betrayed me two years ago. There was no going back after that deceit.
She was really insisting on another way to end things, huh?
Fine.
I chugged from the bottle, then wrestled my way out of bed and peered down at myself. Damn, the ground was moving. Undershirt, jeans… I grabbed the nearest button-down I could find and put it on.
Angie would get her closure.
I grabbed my keys and stumbled out the door.
I could drive. She didn’t live that far away. I’d be careful.
After getting in my car, I put on my shades and backed out of the driveway.
“I don’t want you to reach out to her, Angie. I’m serious. You know what she did to my brother and me.”
“But you’re carrying this extra weight. Don’t you think I see it? You’re never truly happy. You’re content at best. If you could find it in your heart to forgive her…”
I laughed bitterly to myself and left my district behind. Fuck, I should’ve brought the bottle. Just thinking about Angie made me thirsty for a complete blackout.
“Shit.” I returned to my lane and drove through the small forest that connected Downtown to the Valley in the south.
“Promise me you won’t track her down, Angie. Give me your word. I haven’t seen her since I was twelve, and I want to keep it that way.”
She’d sworn to me. She’d looked me in the eye and promised to give it a rest.