Total pages in book: 87
Estimated words: 79020 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 395(@200wpm)___ 316(@250wpm)___ 263(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 79020 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 395(@200wpm)___ 316(@250wpm)___ 263(@300wpm)
I commit to leaving the damp towel here if it's not dry when I wake up before combing through my still-damp hair and leaving the bathroom.
The bedroom is empty, so I don't even bother to walk in that direction. I've cleared nearly everything out of the house.
I head straight to the tiny kitchen for a glass of water, reusing the plastic cup I got at lunch earlier in the day from a fast-food restaurant because everything from the cupboards is also packed and in the little U-Haul trailer.
Despair begins to settle inside of me as I carry the glass of water to the couch and place it beside it, knowing it would be just my luck if the damn thing gets knocked over at some point because the side table is already loaded up.
I sit on the couch, making sure the sheet and blanket are ready for when I lie down, but they both feel like sandpaper on the tips of my fingers, despite them being the very same sheet and blanket I've been using since I arrived here.
It seems everything that could possibly get on my nerves is going to do so, and as I lie back and stare at the ceiling, I try and convince myself that it's my situation that's annoying the hell out of me. I pull the sheet and blanket over my body and let my eyes flutter closed as I tell myself everything will be better once I hit the Arkansas state border.
My eyes pop back open so I can reach for my phone and make sure my alarm is set for as soon as the sun is predicted to rise. I need to get out of here before I let anything else convince me that sticking around would be a better decision. I'm already going to have to fight the urge to turn down the road that leads to his house on my way out of town. Hours ago, I thought that would be easy. I said my goodbye earlier when he was standing on my porch and trying to manipulate me further, but as the evening dragged on, I realized I wanted him to beg me to stay. That's what will make it a true test of my strength once I come to the four-way stop, right taking me to his house, and left carrying me to the interstate to leave the state.
Maybe the ocean would be better. I don't have any concrete plans, and the Atlantic Ocean is much closer than the Rocky Mountains. My dream of living in a cabin in the mountains was from when I was a girl, and maybe as a woman now it's time to give that up. Clinging to the past and what could've been kept me in a marriage longer than it ever should have. Thinking a man would be able to give me what I deserved kept me here tonight rather than leaving yesterday. I know I need to stop dragging my feet, and I will. As soon as the sun rises, I'll throw my middle finger to this entire state, and I don't have to make the decision on where my next adventure will lead me until I get to the interstate.
Somehow, I manage to fall asleep, but it feels as if only minutes have passed when an unusual noise makes my eyes snap open. Living in the woods was something that took getting used to over the last couple of months, but I did grow accustomed to knowing that there are living things that patrol around the house in the darkness.
I don't know why whatever the sound was scares me, but my first thought is about where I put my gun. For the life of me, I can't remember. I think I locked it in my glovebox. I said goodbye to both of the dangerous men in my life, and while the sun was shining I no longer felt the need for it.
I feel utterly stupid for not having it right beside me, and all I can think about is being stupid for still being here.
Earlier in the day I pulled up a map on my laptop of the entire United States. I closed my eyes and pointed my finger. If I were to go by that I'd be heading to Nebraska in the morning, but I'd decided that wasn't far enough away. If I'd kept to that decision maybe I would've left sooner. Maybe I wouldn't be clinging to the blanket under my chin, wondering if I was going to die because I delayed leaving.
When another bump echoes from outside the house, I do my best to convince my consciousness that it's probably a bear, or a raccoon trying to get into the trash. I force my eyes closed, vowing not to open them again until morning time.