Total pages in book: 142
Estimated words: 131330 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 657(@200wpm)___ 525(@250wpm)___ 438(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 131330 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 657(@200wpm)___ 525(@250wpm)___ 438(@300wpm)
I clench my jaw, glancing away. “Of course I know that,” I say. “I’m not pissed about the first time. I mean, sure, I’m pissed that knowing it was you takes away from everything I was trying to achieve that night, but it was nothing more than a shitty coincidence. It’s knowing that you stood behind me in my parents’ pool and worked it out but decided that you should keep your mouth shut. It’s knowing that when you were texting me after being at Pulse, it wasn’t because you’d finally come around and thought that maybe I had something to offer you, it was because you were remembering how it felt to be inside of me, how it felt when I came around you. And it’s knowing that when I went back, just as vulnerable as I was the first time, you still walked into that room, knowing exactly who I was, and took advantage. You had every chance to tell me that you were the guy in that room, and the fact that you hid it from me . . . fuck, Izaac, that hurts the most.”
Devastation and guilt flash in his eyes, and despite the distance I’ve tried to keep between us, he walks right into me, pulling me into his warm arms and holding me against his chest. His hand comes up to the back of my head, his fingers threading into my hair. “You don’t need to tell me what I did to you and how bad it hurt. Trust me, I know. I fucked up, and it makes me sick to my stomach. Nobody hates me more than I do right now,” he tells me as the steady beat of his heart keeps me from falling apart.
“Ever since you were a kid, all I’ve ever wanted was to protect you from assholes like me, but the second I got a taste, I needed more. And believe me, I know how fucked up all of this is. I’ve never invited someone to come back to Vixen before, but you? Fuck, Aspen. When I realized it was you . . . Nothing has ever fucked me up like that. You got in my head, and I didn’t know what to do, and despite being Austin’s little sister, I wanted to do it again.” He pauses as if needing a moment to figure out how to word this without making me hate him more. “I told myself that I couldn’t tell you because of how you viewed that first time, and I knew if you found out it was me, it would hurt and ruin that moment for you. But I still . . . fuck. I had you banned from Vixen so that you couldn’t come back and that would be it. Your memories of that night would remain as you wanted, and it’d never be brought up again. But then you said how nothing could compare to how it was with me and started looking for random Tinder assholes to fuck, and I just . . . Something came over me, Aspen. I know it was a shitty lapse in judgment, and I should never have walked back into that room, but the second you showed up at Vixen, all sense of right and wrong flew out the fucking window.”
“Izaac, I—”
“Tell me there’s some way I can make it up to you. I hate that I’ve done this to you, Aspen. I need us to be okay.”
I swallow hard, stepping out of his arms as a wave of nervousness flutters through me. God, I’ve got to be insane for suggesting this. It’s bolder than I’ve ever been, but everything is already up in the air between us. Maybe this is my only chance.
Lifting my gaze, my expression sobers as my heart pounds out of control. “Teach me, Izaac.”
He stares at me a moment, as if what I just asked him isn’t registering and he needs to repeat it a few times in his head to truly understand. His brows slowly begin to furrow, and when a deep reluctance flashes in his dark eyes, the pending rejection cripples me. “Do you understand what you’re asking me?”
I don’t respond, just hold his gaze to let him see the seriousness in my eyes.
He shakes his head, inching back. “No. Despite everything I said, I can’t. I won’t do that to Austin.”
I scoff, gaping at him incredulously. “You didn’t seem to care what Austin thought when you walked back into that room, and you sure as fuck didn’t spare his feelings when you stripped me out of my clothes or put your hands all over my body. What about when you flicked your tongue over my nipple and pushed those thick fingers inside of me? Were you thinking about him then? You had every intention of fucking me, Izaac, so why all of a sudden do you care what Austin thinks?”