Total pages in book: 74
Estimated words: 69910 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 350(@200wpm)___ 280(@250wpm)___ 233(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 69910 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 350(@200wpm)___ 280(@250wpm)___ 233(@300wpm)
And now they’re waterlogged.
All three of them surface, gasping and sputtering.
“You imbecile! This is about as good an idea as setting out on your own. Just utter ridiculousness!”
“Ridiculous! Ridiculous! I’ll show you ridiculous, you malicious turd face!” Gerry takes one wide step in the pool and literally tries to drown my dad by pressing his head under the water.
My dad is a great swimmer. He surfaces immediately, cursing and asking who Gerry is to be calling someone a turd, and then he’s the one trying to drown Gerry, who isn’t the best swimmer.
Patience swims to the edge of the pool and hauls herself out. She’s crying, but not because she’s soaked in all her clothes. “Do something!” she begs me with a sob. There are tears streaming down her cheeks, mixing with the beads of water. “They’re going to kill each other!”
Maybe this is what they need to do to work it out for good, but I’m not taking any chances. I don’t know how well Gerry can swim, and accidents are not a thing that happens on my watch. Dunking someone is one thing, but even good fun can turn into a disaster at a moment’s notice. I’m very keen on not fucking around in the pool. I could never be a lifeguard as I’d be way too anal to let any kids have any fun.
It takes me a fraction of the time to dive into the pool. I grab Gerry around the waist since he’s underwater and haul him up. Then, I make sure he has a firm grip on the edge of the pool before I grab my dad and swim him to the other end. When I turn around, my dad is shoving at my chest, and he looks spitting mad. It’s as if he were a cat that was just dunked. I see Gerry swimming for the stairs at the other end of the pool. He walks out and stands there, water streaming from his clothes.
They do an admirable job of glaring each other down, even with me in the middle.
Patience has hauled herself out, and she’s sitting on the edge of the pool, her pink boots still just under the surface. They look huge down there, like monster clown shoes. Her chest is heaving, and I’m pretty sure she’s still crying.
An insane bolt of rage rips through me. Not for anyone in particular, but okay, kind of for both our dads because she’s crying, and she should not be crying. I want to tear the whole world apart if it will make her stop.
She doesn’t need me to tear anything down or put anything back together. She swipes at her cheeks, then grabs her hair and twists it into a big knot. It looks so dark when it’s wet. She wrings the water from it and tosses it over her shoulder before flinging her legs up over the edge and scooting back. Water gushes out of her boots. She stands up, and they make a wet squish noise. She shifts from one foot to the other and folds her arms over her chest. Her clothes are more than clinging to her curves. I want to stop staring, but I can’t.
“I would like both of you to get your butts in the house and dry off!” Sqeeeeeeee. Her boots. They highlight the point hilariously as she steps back. Squisssssshhhhhhh. “I’m making egg salad sandwiches for dinner, and you’re both eating. Also, the skunk is a darned pet!”
“You have a skunk for a pet?” My dad doesn’t like it. I can hear the hurt in his voice, too, because I should have told him things like this.
Gerry looks slightly triumphant, but only because it’s clear my dad doesn’t know everything, not even about his own son.
Patience ignores them both. “I’m not taking no for an answer from either of you. And if either of you tries and leaves this house before you’ve both cleared everything up and stopped this absolutely ridiculous and childish feud, I will never speak to any of you again!” Squissssshhhh. Squeeeeee. “I mean it.” She looks like a goddess, dropped into a woman’s earthly body. She’s fabulous, furious, and fierce. “I’ve had enough. I’m not your parent, but you’re both acting like children. Grow up! If I’ve ruined my best and favorite pair of boots for nothing, I’m going to be so aggravated. I’m already aggravated.” Squish, squish, squeeeeee. Her shoes are singing the song of wet leather as she takes a few more steps backward and then whips around and points at the house. “Get in the mushroom. Don’t make us tie you up and haul you into the middle of the woods to force you to do a bonding exercise as you try and find your way back to civilization while fighting off all the dangers of the woods. I know what’s out there. Like mud, mosquitoes, poison ivy, toads with really loud and forceful ribbits, and, oh, bears. I’m sure there are super grouchy bears out there. And…and…big horned sheep. And moose. And killer pinecones, wolves, foxes, and murder death birds.”