Total pages in book: 67
Estimated words: 64927 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 325(@200wpm)___ 260(@250wpm)___ 216(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 64927 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 325(@200wpm)___ 260(@250wpm)___ 216(@300wpm)
“Where is he?” I ask. The deafening silence fills the car with dread. “Jasper said… when he wakes.”
“I don’t know.” And from those three little words I get the feeling he’s lying to me. I don’t question him because I do love Alec, but I need him to see the way I love him is only as a family should love one another, purely platonic, and he’s simply confused. Maybe then the pain that’s etched on his face will disappear, and he will see what he’s dreamed about me is just that. Nothing more than a dream.
2
Everly
It’s quiet, we’ve been driving for what seems like several days when, in reality, it’s only been one. I don’t question him at all. Alec needs to see for himself that I’m not who he thinks I am. I am not the love of his life and this is all a misunderstanding. I trust Alec, I always have, and he deserves to know I’m not someone who will use him or even lie to him. Ever.
He deserves that sort of respect.
“I’m sorry, Squirt. Sorry for the tea.”
I nod my head and simply touch his shoulder.
“I would have gone with you if you had asked. You’re family, Alec.” He flinches at that word being used, and I remove my hand as if I’ve burned him.
“We aren’t, Squirt, we aren’t.” He goes silent for some time before he stops the car in front of a different motel and cuts the engine. “I’ve never seen you as family. Yes, I have protected and looked out for you like family should. But I did all that for my own selfish reasons.”
“You are anything but selfish, Alec,” I say in a soft voice. When I fought with my father, Alec would be the one to calm me down and tell me everything would be all right. When I wanted the money for my business, it was Alec who convinced my father I wasn’t going to waste it all and that I needed it for good reasons—to make my life better, to make me better.
“I’ll try, okay? But I can’t guarantee I won’t see you as more than that. I love him as much as I hate him, Alec. The two emotions right now are taking up my entire existence and I can’t make room for someone else.”
“I saw what he did to you. How could you possibly love someone who hurts you?”
It’s a valid question.
One I have asked myself multiple times with no real answers.
“I can’t explain it.” Even in my head thinking it sounds crazy. I don’t know anyone who likes the kinds of things he does to me. I should hate everything about it—the pain and the torture—but my body does the exact opposite, loving every minute of it and what he can do for me. It’s a fight club inside me, and I just need to work out what my new normal is. Everything I thought I loved and liked has changed, and it’s all thanks to him.
If I choose normal, he will cheat on me. He said it in those exact words, but if I let him do what he wants, I will be solely his, and he would never touch another woman again.
I believe him when he says the words, even though my mind is fighting my heart all the time.
“You should try, squirt. What he did isn’t normal.”
There’s that word again, ‘normal,’ which keeps ringing around in my brain.
What is normal, though? I don’t think what he did to me is normal by any means, and I expressed that, but somehow I liked it, and I won’t be expressing that to Gunner either.
It’s a predicament I have found myself in.
A quandary.
A dilemma.
And, to be honest, I’m unsure of what to do about any of it.
“Let’s eat, I’m hungry,” I say.
We get out and Alec checks us in, paying cash. Once we’ve registered, we head straight to the bar where we sit and order some food. Alec taps his fingers on the counter, and I know he’s dying to ask me something. “Just say it,” I urge him.
He calls the bartender over, and orders a drink. “It’s just…” he pauses lifting the drink to his lips, but then pulls it away again, “… I’m trying to understand, and I have no idea how to.” He places his drink back on the counter while shaking his head.
“Which part?”
“Why him?” he asks, turning so he’s facing me. “Why him?” he repeats.
“Why is the sky blue? Grass green?” I ask and then shrug. “I have no idea. I would like to know why, myself. I wish it weren’t him. I don’t want to love him, Alec. But I’m here, you deserve me to be here for you, so I am here. Even if I’m thinking about him.”
Pain radiates from his face as he closes his eyes in an attempt to quell the agony before he lifts his drink, finishing it in one long swallow.