Total pages in book: 75
Estimated words: 72764 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 364(@200wpm)___ 291(@250wpm)___ 243(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 72764 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 364(@200wpm)___ 291(@250wpm)___ 243(@300wpm)
SARIAH: I just wanted to let you know Mr. Pebbles passed away today. I had to have him put down.
I wasn’t sure if he would answer. We hadn’t ended on the best of terms, obviously, but Mr. Pebbles had been his cat too. He couldn’t be that coldhearted, could he?
To my surprise, he responded right away.
THEO: Sorry to hear that.
Sorry to hear that?!
That was all he’d been able to come up with? He really was a heartless bastard. I got pissed off all over again. It wasn’t his fault that Mr. Pebbles had died, but couldn’t he at least show a little sympathy?
SARIAH: That’s it? That’s all you have to say?
THEO: Well, I’m not sure what this is about, so…
SARIAH: I just told you! Mr. Pebbles is dead.
THEO: How did I know him?
SARIAH: Are you high right now? He was our cat. Black and white, took a shit in your shoes more than once? Ringing any bells?
THEO: I think you have the wrong number. But I’m really sorry about your cat. I lost one when I was a teenager and it was hard.
Oh, hell.
Did I really have the wrong number or was Theo fucking with me? That was exactly the kind of thing he would do to avoid a confrontation.
SARIAH: Is this really the wrong number? You’re not Theo?
THEO: Nope.
SARIAH: I apologize. I deleted all of my ex’s contact info when we broke up and I was guessing on the number. Shit. I’m sorry I bothered you.
TEXT LABEL TBD: It’s okay. I’m truly sorry about your cat, though. It’s never easy to put down a pet.
SARIAH: I was thinking that today, I don’t think I want to ever go through this again. It’s been horrible. Heartbreaking. Expensive. Zero stars. Do not recommend.
TEXT LABEL TBD: Yeah, I think I gave it one star myself. And the one star was for all the years of fun I had with her before she died.
I set my phone on the ledge of the tub. Was this getting weird? I was having a full conversation with someone I didn’t even know. I pictured Mr. Pebbles curled up on my bed purring and burst into tears for the thirty-eighth time today. Then I took a giant gulp from my wineglass and picked up my phone again. Yes, it was getting weird. But I was sad, dammit, and this person seemed nice. Bonus, it was not Theo.
SARIAH: That’s one of the worst things about this—she was only three. My ex and I found a litter of kittens on the street when we first met. We found homes for all of them except her. We kept her. And named her Pebbles. Until we went to get her fixed and found out she was a he. Hence, Mr. Pebbles.
TEXT LABEL TBD: He was only three?
SARIAH: Yup. Cancer sucks.
TEXT LABEL TBD: I’m sorry. I hope you’re doing something nice for yourself tonight.
SARIAH: I’m actually soaking in the tub right now. I wanted to text Theo and get it over with, but apparently my objective this evening is to bore a stranger with my sad tale of euthanasia and horrible exes.
TEXT LABEL TBD: LOL that’s okay. I’m having a quiet evening myself. I’m on a business trip and sitting here in my hotel room channel surfing. My coworkers are down at the bar getting shit-faced but I did that last night, so tonight I’m being good because I can’t be hungover tomorrow.
SARIAH: My best friend suggested we go out and get shit-faced but I wasn’t in the mood. And this is how I wound up in the tub texting with a stranger. My mother would be horrified.
TEXT LABEL TBD: On a scale of one to ten for all things dangerous and immoral, this is probably a one. Maybe a two if you’re married.
SARIAH: A five if you’re married too.
TEXT LABEL TBD: How come you only got one extra point for being married but I got three points on top of that???
SARIAH: Maybe because 1 + 0 = 1 but 1 + 1 = 5?
TEXT LABEL TBD: ROFL! Well, you’re in luck. I am one-thousand-percent single. Not even dating.
SARIAH: That makes two of us, so I guess we’re back down to a one on our scale of dangerous and immoral.
TEXT LABEL TBD: And as a bonus, we don’t have to do any of that complicated math stuff. Good thing. Math is not my favorite.
SARIAH: I like numbers. But I’m in sales so I kind of have to. There’s no advanced math like calculus or any of that in my life, though. Addition, subtraction, multiplication, and division are as complicated as it gets.
TXT LABEL TBD: I think I failed Algebra in high school.
SARIAH: I needed a tutor.
TEXT LABEL TBD: Okay, so zero stars for math too.
SARIAH: And ex-boyfriends who cheat.
TEXT LABEL TBD: And ex-girlfriends who cheat.