Total pages in book: 76
Estimated words: 75242 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 376(@200wpm)___ 301(@250wpm)___ 251(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 75242 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 376(@200wpm)___ 301(@250wpm)___ 251(@300wpm)
I lift my hand. “No, thanks. I actually don’t like chocolate that much. I probably had too much of it when I was in Switzerland.”
“Too much? Wow. I’ve never heard of anyone who’s had too much chocolate.”
I have. During my first few months in Zurich, I tried every chocolate shop and bought every piece of chocolate available. Once, I even bought three boxes and finished them all in one sitting.
“You can have my juice instead.” Michelle offers me the unopened bottle.
I shake my head. “It’s fine. I have my water anyway.”
I take a sip from my bottle. She frowns.
I guess she really wants to give me something. She doesn’t have to, though. She can still be my friend.
I’m about to tell her that but she speaks first.
“Ask me anything, then.”
What?
“Ask me anything,” she repeats with an eager grin.
Okay. I draw a deep breath.
“If someone broke your heart once and you didn’t expect to see him again but you do and now he wants to have sex with you, would you say yes?”
Michelle’s eyebrows arch. “Whoa. I wasn’t expecting that.”
And I realize I’ve just said too much.
“It’s okay,” I tell her. “You can just forget…”
“Let’s see.” She touches her chin as her eyebrows crease. “How did he break your heart? Did he cheat on you?”
“Something like that.”
“Jerk. And how long ago was this?”
“A long time ago.”
“And now he wants to have sex with you? Like he told you he wants to have sex with you?”
I wish she wouldn’t keep saying ‘sex’. I know I said it first, but somehow it sounds weirder when she says it. And louder.
I glance around before answering. It’s a good thing there aren’t too many people around and no one nearby.
“Basically.”
Michelle nods. “Okay. So let me ask you this. Do you want to have sex with him?”
I look at her. Wow. She really gets straight to the point, doesn’t she?
I don’t answer. I think I know the answer, but I’m not ready to tell anyone yet.
“I’m not asking if you want to get back together with him. That’s not what he’s asking, right? I’m just asking if you want to have sex with the guy? Yes or no?”
I let out a breath and scratch the back of my head. Fine. I have to be honest at some point.
“Yes. But…”
“But you’re afraid he might take it as a sign that you’ve forgiven him. You’re afraid that he might think you want to get back together. Or that you might want to get back together because you might realize you’re still in love with him.”
Wow. Michelle really speaks her mind. In a lot of words. But I can’t really deny what she said.
Except the last part. I can’t still be in love with Asher because I was never in love with him. He didn’t give me a chance to be.
I can fall for him for sure this time, which I guess is what I don’t want to happen. What I’m afraid might happen. I don’t want to take the first step to my downfall.
Michelle grabs my hand. “You’re afraid because you think you’re not in control. But you can be. You can have sex with him and then decide, dictate even, that it’s just sex. It doesn’t have to mean anything, but in case it does end up meaning something, then you can decide whether to accept it or just forget about it. You can give him a second chance or you can walk away. You make that call, and whatever call you make, it’s okay.”
She does make sense, so much that I’m amazed. How can a person you’ve never talked to before put your thoughts and feelings into words when you’ve been struggling to do it for days? How is it that I didn’t know what to do but Michelle does?
“You know what I think?” Michelle asks.
“I’m listening.”
“I think you’re too serious, too hard on yourself. You think too much. Unnecessarily.”
True.
“If you want to do something, just do it. If it turns out to be good, be happy. If it turns out to be bad, walk away from it. Regret it if you must, but forgive yourself. Move on. Go do something else that you want.”
That simple, huh? Or maybe I’ve just really been overcomplicating things.
Michelle squeezes my hand. “Go and get some of that sex your sleazy ex owes you. For yourself. Not for him. We all need it every once in a while.”
She’s right. I haven’t had sex in a while. Maybe that’s why I had an orgasm while imagining Asher’s hands on me. Maybe that’s why I leaned against Asher on the dance floor. Maybe that’s why I kissed him back with tongue. That… and if I’m being completely honest, the fact that I was a little upset that Asher and I didn’t have sex in the gazebo that night.