Total pages in book: 139
Estimated words: 130380 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 652(@200wpm)___ 522(@250wpm)___ 435(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 130380 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 652(@200wpm)___ 522(@250wpm)___ 435(@300wpm)
On the backend of the blissful, exciting feeling this summer brought me, there was a dark edge, a bottomless pit that would gladly swallow me up if I stopped running long enough to let it. It was an abyss created by a girl years ago, an endless hole left in the very center of who I was after the one and only person I’d ever felt a genuine connection to in my life ghosted me.
And I didn’t even know her name.
I swallowed, shifting in the driver seat and taking my opposite hand to the wheel. Thoughts of that summer always made me squirm. I couldn’t even remember who I was back then, and yet I knew that the realest I’d ever been with anyone, at any point in my life, was that summer.
With a stranger I met playing video games online.
It was so cliché and embarrassing that I’d never spoken it out loud to anyone. I couldn’t. I had a reputation for being a playboy, a smart ass, a clown, a powerhouse, a fucking star. I loved that role. I created that role for myself. And I knew if I ever admitted to anyone what had happened that summer in high school, I’d become the joke itself instead of the jokester.
No, it’d go to the grave with me.
And if I didn’t ever learn to fucking let it go, it might be what puts me in said grave.
Whenever that darkness crept into my mind, I was always tempted to succumb to it. Part of me thought it might bring relief, to just slip into the unending spiral of questions that assaulted me seven years ago and begged for me to let them back in every day since.
I could beat myself up for an eternity wondering what went wrong, what I did, what happened. I could dive headfirst into anxiety that something bad had happened to her, that she had been kidnapped or sent to a boarding school by her parents or, the worst possibility, that she was dead.
I didn’t know her name, but I knew her.
I knew the way she laughed when she was exhausted from staying up all night with me. I knew she never backed down from any challenge. I knew she was unapologetically and fearlessly herself, no matter what her parents or friends or anyone else thought. I knew she was funny, and adorable, and cool as hell. She played video games, for fuck’s sake.
And I knew she knew me, at the most vulnerable and honest level, and she liked me. She cared about me.
Or maybe she didn’t.
Maybe she never did.
Maybe she wasn’t a kid like me at all. Maybe she was some weird creep living in her parents’ basement at the age of thirty pretending to be a teenager so she could prey on young boys.
Even as I thought it, I knew it wasn’t true. But sometimes it made me feel better to pretend that was the case, because the alternative was that she had just… left me.
And I’d never know why.
One quick shake of my head sent the shadow of all those thoughts scurrying away as I turned onto my street. I let out a heavy sigh as I pulled into the driveway, hopping out and grabbing my duffle bag out of the trunk. I slung it over my shoulder, locked my car with a click of the key fob, and was ready to head inside and take a shower before sitting down for a round of video games with my roommates.
But a glance across the street stopped me in my tracks.
Mary Silver stood in her yard with her hands hanging on her full, enticing hips, her gaze fixed on her house while some stocky older guy in a grimy t-shirt and worn jeans rattled on beside her. I could only see her profile, but I noticed how her brows were furrowed, how she was gnawing the corner of her plump bottom lip.
Mary had moved into that old house across the street from us last year — along with Julep Lee, our coach’s daughter and, now, our previous quarterback’s fiancée. Holden and Julep pretending like they didn’t like each other provided many nights where Mary joined her roommate here at The Snake Pit for parties, and every time she walked through our front door, I ached with the need to touch her.
I couldn’t help it.
Esa gata se vé riquísima.
The girl was fine.
I was used to being surrounded by a certain kind of female — cheerleaders, athletes, sorority girls. But none of them looked like Mary. Where they were typically lean and toned, Mary was curvy and soft, with thighs and hips and breasts that called to me as if she were Aphrodite reincarnated. She was covered in tattoos, the ink sprawling her skin from her neck to her ankles, and she had more piercings than I had touchdowns last season.