Total pages in book: 177
Estimated words: 169272 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 846(@200wpm)___ 677(@250wpm)___ 564(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 169272 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 846(@200wpm)___ 677(@250wpm)___ 564(@300wpm)
“Henn and Hannah,” Reed says with a grin. “We all love you so much. You two light up every room you enter. You’re a joy to watch and an inspiration to us all. Congratulations from the bottom of my heart.” He looks directly at Hannah. “To Hannah, specifically, thanks for being my best friend.”
Not surprisingly, Hannah guffaws—that joke never misses—before blowing Reed an enthusiastic kiss.
A crowd has formed around Hannah and me again. Plainly, everyone thinks we’re going to perform our choreographed routine again—this time, to the live version of the song. We wowed them earlier tonight during our first dance with our hilarious, synchronized, well-rehearsed moves, after all. But no. This time, as the talented musician begins his surprise acoustic performance, I take Hannah into my arms and simply sway with her to the quirky love song.
As the performer gets to his chorus, I lean down and softly kiss Hannah’s cheek—and to my surprise, my lips come back salty and wet. Aw, baby. I slide my fingertip underneath Hannah’s chin and tilt her face toward mine, and that’s when I’m treated to the world’s most gloriously electrifying smile, topped off by two stunningly gorgeous blue eyes. She’s got the face of an angel, my wife, especially when she’s crying tears of unadulterated joy.
“I love you so much,” she chokes out.
“I love you, too, Mrs. Hennessey. 459, baby. All day every day.”
“What’s 459?”
“I’ve never told you about that? Oh. I thought I did. On a cell phone dial pad, four is I. Five is L. Nine is Y—I. Love. You.”
Hannah giggles. “Oh, Henny. That’s so cute.”
“If you like that, I’ve got more where that came from.” I toss out a series of coding strings, all of them used to create infinite loops in various coding languages, and then take Hannah’s face in my palms. “No matter how I say it, or code it, my feelings will always boil down to the same thing. I love you, Hannah Banana la Plátana, my birdhouse, my wife. You’re the only bee in my bonnet. Function: forever.”
EPILOGUE
HANNAH
My eyes shoot open.
Hazel.
Did I miss her waking up and crying out for me? It feels later than her usual wakeup time. Did I miss my alarm for work? No, it’s Sunday. Henn must have gone to her.
I turn to see if my hubby is sleeping next to me, and his side of the bed is empty, save for a red envelope placed neatly on his pillow. I grab it and discover Henn’s jagged handwriting on its face: “Sleep as long as you like, my love. Happy Mother’s Day.” Oh yeah. Today is my first Mother’s Day!
“Well, hot damn,” I murmur, before flopping back onto my pillow, pulling up the covers, and immediately falling back to sleep. When my eyes open again, I smile and sigh happily in the late-morning light streaming through the window. I don’t know what time it is or how long I’ve slept. All I know is I feel more rested than I have in months. I sit up, grab the red envelope off Henn’s pillow again, and open it this time. Inside, there are two handwritten notes. Dutifully, I open the one marked “Open first.”
Dear Mommy,
Happy Mother’s Day! I can’t write yet, so I dictated this note to Daddy, who translated my babbles and expertly transcribed them all. You’re da best mommy in da world and I love you so much! I can’t wait to tell you “I love you, Mommy!” one day soon. But for now, I’ll leave you with the tried-and-true sentiments many an infant has babbled to their beloved mommies before me throughout history: da-ga-goo-bee-doo-ma!
Love,
Hazel
Giggling, I unfold the second note and smile the whole time while reading it:
My Pretty, Precious Plátana,
Happy First Mother’s Day! I decided to write a separate note from Hazel’s because mine is bound to get a lil spicy, and I didn’t want Hazel to read those parts later and get grossed out. I don’t know if husbands normally get X-rated with their Mother’s Day tributes to their wives, but the fact that I can’t get enough of your hot body is a major contributing factor to Hazel being here in the first place, so I feel like a lil spice makes perfect sense under the circumstances.
I know how much you like surprises, so I’ve got several for you today, my love. Whenever you’re ready, come out and join the other two members of the Hennessey Hoodlums for some fresh donuts, purchased this morning by Hazel and me from Allison’s Bakery for this very special occasion.
This afternoon, you’ve got a massage appointment, and tonight, I’ve arranged a babysitter so we can go out and feast till our stomachs’ delight. When we get home from dinner, we’ll kiss our sleeping baby and head into our bedroom where I’m going to make you my dessert, baby! Woohoo! Just thinking about what I’m going to do to your user interface tonight is making my floppy disk hard. Of course, I’ll be sure to hit you with plenty of hot cum-puter-speak, since you love it so much. In fact, here’s a little preview to get your Slip ‘n’ Slide slipping and sliding about tonight’s late-night festivities: