Total pages in book: 133
Estimated words: 134598 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 673(@200wpm)___ 538(@250wpm)___ 449(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 134598 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 673(@200wpm)___ 538(@250wpm)___ 449(@300wpm)
Cate stared at a spot over his shoulder. “I hurt myself.”
He stiffened. “What?”
“I hurt myself. That’s why we have the protocol. It’s not enough for Rhodes to just hear my voice after something really badly upsets me. He has to see that I’m unharmed. I cut myself. It was awful. I didn’t like all the blood. Very messy.”
Very messy.
Cutting herself was very messy.
He ran his hand over his face. “Baby girl. Fuck.”
“If you decide now that you don’t want to date me, it will be better for me to finish things now rather than later. After . . . after I develop feelings for you.”
“You already have feelings for me,” he stated. “I know it’s hard sometimes to look into my eyes, but I need you to hear this so please let me see you.”
Those big blue eyes stared up into his.
“You are not to do that again.”
Her nose scrunched up. “Didn’t you hear me? It was messy and awful. Why would I want to do it again?”
She was being flippant about it and he didn’t like it one bit.
“Cate.”
She flinched slightly. “Yes?”
“Don’t be so dismissive about your health and safety. I’m not going to stand for that. Okay? Your health and safety are important to me. And they should be important to you.”
“It’s easier to make light of things sometimes than think about what really happened.”
“I understand. How long ago was this?”
“A few years ago. Something very upsetting happened with my aunt and uncle. We were at my cousin’s wedding and I didn’t want to dance with this man. He kept insisting and I finally, uh, did what Rhodes always taught me to do. I kneed him in the groin to get him to leave me alone. It turned out to be my uncle’s boss.”
Fury built inside him. He had a feeling he knew where this was going, and he didn’t like it.
“My aunt and uncle were furious. They started screaming at me. And you know that I can’t handle it when people yell at me. I ran off and Rhodes took after me. He brought me back to the hotel where we were staying. I ran into my room and refused to come out. And he left me there, thinking I needed time to decompress. But I kept hearing them in my head and my brain kept telling me that I was such a failure. Such an idiot. And I wanted the voices to be quiet for a while, so I cut my wrist. Only I cut too far and got a fright. I called for Rhodes. I don’t like blood.”
“Fuck, baby. Fuck.” He felt broken up. Torn. “There’s no scar, is there?”
He would have noticed that, surely. He stared down at her wrists. There was something faint on her left wrist.
“Rhodes got me safely out of there and to the hospital. Then he contacted the best plastic surgeon he could find. The scar is so faint you really have to know to look for it.”
“Those fucking assholes.”
“What?” she asked, jolting. “Who?”
“Your aunt and uncle. How dare they yell at you like that? Let that bastard touch you? That’s completely unacceptable.”
They were on his shit list.
But they’d now moved up to the top spot, ahead of Samantha and Kevin and the guy she’d kissed who was a jerk to her. He still needed to talk to Rhodes about him.
“I’m furious at them. And I’m upset for you. That you thought that any of that was your fault. That you had to hurt yourself to try and quiet your brain. Fuck, baby. I don’t want anything bad to ever happen to you again. I want to keep you safe from everything.”
“It’s not always about quieting my brain,” she said, knowing she couldn’t keep anything back. “I flick the hair tie when it feels like I’ve done something stupid. Said the wrong thing. Hurt someone. I don’t mean to do it. I just don’t always understand that what I’m saying isn’t the right thing to say.”
“Hey.” He cupped her cheeks between his hands, tilting her face back. “I get it, baby. But that isn’t your fault and you don’t need to punish yourself for it. Ever. Understand? And if you need punishing, then I’m here.”
“Are you saying that if I actually did something deserving of being reprimanded, I should let you take care of it?”
He smiled. “That’s exactly what I’m saying, clever girl.”
Huh.
“That would actually be quite a relief.”
“I’m glad. That’s what I’m here for. To make your life easier.”
“What am I here for?” she asked. “Because I don’t imagine I make your life easier.”
“You fill it with color. You give me a reason to get up in the morning. I’ve been coasting along for longer than I can say. I’ve had a few relationships, but nothing truly serious. I usually ended up smothering the person I was with. I was always worried I wouldn’t be able to protect them. Like I couldn’t protect my sister.”