Total pages in book: 69
Estimated words: 66184 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 331(@200wpm)___ 265(@250wpm)___ 221(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 66184 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 331(@200wpm)___ 265(@250wpm)___ 221(@300wpm)
“If anyone’s curious, I’ve been spending all my nights right here at home,” Marissa says. “Just me with no men.”
Callie leans over to pull Marissa into a sympathetic side hug. “I was sure someone would snap you up as soon as you broke up with Todd.”
“I’ve had opportunities. I guess I’ve been picky.”
“Nothing wrong with that,” I tell her.
The three of us catch up as we eat. Callie fills us in on how things are going with Miles and Max, as Marissa prompts her with more questions. I guess I’m quieter than usual, because when things go silent right after I take a bite of muffin, I look up to find both of them staring at me.
One of my cheeks is full, so I quickly chew and swallow before asking, “What?”
“Something’s going on with you … what is it?” Callie accuses.
“What do you mean?”
“You seem like you’re somewhere else.”
If I retrace my thinking, I guess I have been half preoccupied with thoughts of Derek and Jansen, even though I’ve been following the conversation, too. “Guilty, I guess.”
“Is everything okay?” Marissa asks.
“Yeah … everything’s good.” I pick up my spoon and swirl it mindlessly through the dollop of sour cream that still tops my chili as I gather my thoughts. “I’m just getting in too deep, I guess.”
Callie cocks her head. “How so?”
“My relationship with my bosses has always been all about sex, right from the start, and that was fine with me. They were both so grumpy all the time, I never imagined wanting anything more than that from them, and the sex has been so good, it’s more than enough.”
“We get it,” Marissa says, playfully sounding exhausted. “You’re having tons and tons of good sex. Move the story along.”
“Sorry, I promise to let you talk endlessly about sex as soon as you find the right guy.”
Still grinning, she makes an impatient gesture with her hand. “So what’s gone wrong? You’ve fallen for them?”
“I think I might have. They’ve shown me different sides of themselves. There’s depth there, and even though they’re still sometimes grouchy, I’ve learned where it stems from, and I find myself caring about them far more than I should.”
Marissa and Callie nod at this, unsurprised.
“My attraction for them has moved far beyond the physical, and I’m going to get hurt. Last night, it hit me that I’m falling in love with them—maybe I already am in love.”
I expect one of them to say something, and when they don’t, I keep talking, or rather, thinking out loud. “It’s a good thing it’s almost time for me to leave Community Bean, before I get in even deeper, though I’m afraid I’m already in too deep. I feel so much for Derek and Jansen, even though I know they didn’t mean for me to bring feelings into it.”
“What makes you think that?” Callie asks.
“It’s just about sex. No attachment. We don’t talk about the future. We don’t even go out in public together since the relationship is a secret.”
Marissa has stopped eating and turned her full attention on me. “Have you talked to them about how you feel?”
“No … I just think it was silly of me to let my heart get involved.”
“Maybe things have evolved for them, too,” Callie says.
I frown as I struggle to imagine how I’d bring it up, or how the conversation would go.
“You’re usually so optimistic about things,” Marissa says. “Are you afraid of getting hurt?”
I dip my spoon into the chili and take a bite as I consider the question. “Maybe?” I say eventually.
“If you’ve developed feelings, you might get hurt either way, so you may as well go for what you want,” Callie says.
When I don’t respond, Marissa says, “What advice would you give me if I were in your situation?”
I picture that for just a split second before I have an answer. “I’d absolutely tell you to go for it.”
My roommate nods her head once. “Then you have your answer.”
CHAPTER 47
ANA
The next day, I wear my favorite work outfit over bold, red lingerie. Not that I plan for the men to see my underwear, necessarily; I just want the confidence it gives me.
My nerves are fluttering around like a moth stuck in a jar, and I’m trying to figure out how, when, and where to tell Derek and Jansen that I’ve fallen for them.
Telling them the next time we have dinner together makes the most sense, but what if they don’t feel the same way?
It would be unbearably awkward saying goodbye and leaving in that situation. Or they might convince me to stay and carry on with what we’ve been doing, and while that wouldn’t be terrible, it would hurt a lot in the long run.
The office doesn’t seem like the best place to talk about my feelings with them, but I know I could keep a brave face there if I’m rejected.