Total pages in book: 137
Estimated words: 127213 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 636(@200wpm)___ 509(@250wpm)___ 424(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 127213 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 636(@200wpm)___ 509(@250wpm)___ 424(@300wpm)
Ros pondered it a while and sat by the table. “Well… are you always the same with everyone?”
“It’s not that extreme. I just don’t understand how he can be so tender and then go and watch Dex cut people up like they’re pork,” Ezra said and picked up two mugs before pouring the cocoa into both. He made sure to add stevia to Ros’s but left his own bitter. The milk was sweet enough anyway.
“Maybe it’s because he knows they’re bad people. Or because he’s seen enough to become numb to violence?”
Despite Ezra’s mind initially rebelling against that concept, he could relate to it. As much as he liked sex and flirting, many clients were not his type, not at all good in bed, uninteresting, or held views that made him burn with rage. He’d learned to lock parts of himself away when that happened. To laugh at crude jokes and not expect anything but money in return for all his efforts.
Maybe it was the same for Frank?
“I think he never wanted me to know.”
Ros nodded and took a sip of the hot chocolate as soon as Ezra placed the cup in front of him. “Everyone wants to show the person they care about only the best parts of themselves. But without knowing the ugly, there can be no real connection.”
He wasn’t wrong. It wasn’t like Ezra uncovered all his cards in front of… well, anybody. Was it right to expect Frank to do so?
He settled in one of the other chairs and blew air into the warm beverage to cool it. “It’s been weird since I found out. Frank is barely here. Do you know if he still wants me around, or would he rather I went home?” he asked, hiding behind the mug as his facial muscles twitched against his will.
There was no home for him to go to.
Ros became more animated again as if the dark cloud over him had dispersed. “He’s always worked this much since I met him, so don’t think it’s you causing him to stay away. I’m pretty sure he very much wants you around. He actually asked me the other day if I could come and help remodel your room so that it’s more to your taste. He cares about you, Ezra.”
Then why wasn’t he here, trying to convince Ezra that nothing changed?
So maybe it was in contradiction to everything he’d told Frank at the hospital, but wasn’t he allowed a bit of chaos in his mind after all he’d been through?
And despite the constant melancholia and self-pity, he did wait for Frank each day, always hoping that there would be a breakthrough. That maybe they’d talk like they used to, so he no longer felt so out of control. Because right now, he felt like he provided no value to anyone.
“I feel that I should be revolted by what I’ve seen, and I am, but I also miss Frank.”
Ros nodded as he sipped from his cup. “I don’t want to try to sway you. It’s for you to decide what kind of life you’re ready for, because the one here isn’t just a bed of roses.”
Ezra nodded, letting the waves of heat and cold wash through him as he thought back to all the times he and Frank had laughed together, of him protecting Ezra at the hospital as if his own life was on the line, not someone else’s. How despite the rejection, Frank had declared to Paul that Ezra was his. But Ros was right, only he could make decisions about the future.
“Thanks. I have a lot to think about.”
The door burst open, startling them both, but instead of entering, Dex stood there like a deer in the headlights, staring at Ezra.
“Oh. My bad. I thought Frank took you shopping.”
He looked just like he had that night, minus the apron, gloves, and blood. But even though tension held Ezra’s muscles rigid, he knew there would be no better opportunity than this to find out more.
“We have donuts,” he said without thinking.
Dex glanced to the threshold like a vampire who needed an explicit invitation to enter, but one look at the full box lured him in. “Frank told me not to come when you’re here, but I know that if only I got to explain what happened, you’d understand.”
Ezra wasn’t so sure about that, but he appreciated Frank thinking about his comfort. “Sure. Come in,” he heard himself say, even though his imagination conjured the unpleasant odor of blood.
If he was to make decisions and regain some control over his life, he needed more information.
Ros slurped his chocolate in silence, but Dex filled it without issue.
He grabbed himself a donut and sat on the table, next to Ezra. “I know what you saw looked bad, but those guys I was cutting up were, like, total scum, and I was only laughing because Hammer was reading me his story, and there was something there about one guy getting handsy with the other. Like, ‘ooh, don’t get handsy with me’, and I was holding the hands, so it was just really funny when I imagined getting handsy. With hands in my hands.”