Total pages in book: 87
Estimated words: 83085 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 415(@200wpm)___ 332(@250wpm)___ 277(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 83085 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 415(@200wpm)___ 332(@250wpm)___ 277(@300wpm)
I got a fire going in the firepit, hoping that would distract me. Evening turned to night, the air around me chilled, but I didn’t feel it. Just sat in one of the chairs, watching the red glow move. Caught between worry, anger, and confusion.
I’d wanted Griffin Caine.
I couldn’t want him. It was the worst idea.
But I did.
And I’d almost kissed him. I’d pushed because that was who the fuck I was, and he’d run, and now… God, what if…?
Lights moved across the darkness as the sound of tires on gravel filled my ears.
My leg started shaking, bouncing like crazy. The fist of fear wrapped around my heart began to loosen because I knew that sound, knew the exact noise Griff’s truck made and the sound of his gait as he made his way to me. That only made the confusion grow even more and a different kind of anxiety twist me up inside.
The second he got close to me, it was like someone took the lid off, like there had been something containing me, and now it was gone, and I just exploded.
“What the fuck, man? Don’t do that. Don’t take off like that. Jesus, I was worried sick. I thought…” What I thought was stupid, ridiculous, but that didn’t change how it felt.
Griff’s brow creased in concern. “Hey, I’m fine. What did you think happened? I said I needed some space and that I’d come back.”
I thought I’d pushed too hard. I thought I’d gotten him hurt. Goddamn it. I was freaking the fuck out.
“Hey,” Griff said again. “What’s going on with you? You’re shaking like a leaf. I’m sorry I scared you.” Griffin reached for my hands, but I jerked them out of his grasp. Ran one through my hair, which immediately flopped into place again.
My legs were jittery, like someone had injected nervous energy into me and I couldn’t stand still. I circled the fire, my chest feeling tighter and tighter with each step.
I was going to have to tell him, wasn’t I? Did I have to?
Fuck, this small voice inside me kept whispering, You want to.
“Josh, stop. Look at me. You’re scaring the fuck out of me. Should I call Kellan?”
I stopped and looked at him, could see the worry in his eyes and the hard set of his shoulders. And as much as I loved Kellan, I didn’t need him.
This was a secret not even Kell knew.
“No. I… Fuck.” I fell into one of the wooden chairs by the fire, elbows on my knees, leaning forward with my forehead resting in the palms of my hands.
Griff took the chair beside me, and then his hand was rubbing my back in slow circles. Somehow, that loosened up some of the tension inside me, set it free gradually, unlike the explosion I felt earlier.
“I’m supposed to be taking care of you this week,” I said with a humorless chuckle.
It took a moment for him to answer, but finally, “You have been,” slipped past Griff’s lips, making me suck in a breath. Christ, this was weird, what was happening so incredibly fucked, if I could even figure out what was happening, but I knew it was something.
“Sorry I freaked out on you.”
“It’s okay. Can I ask why you did?”
It was so Griff not to just do so, to word it as a question and give me an out. I knew if I took it, he wouldn’t ask again. Griff would respect my decision because that was the way he was, but for the first time in twelve years, the truth sat on my tongue, waiting to roll free.
“I, um… Fuck, this is hard.”
“Take your time.”
“Goddamn it, Griff.” Even that made me want to open up to him more, like he knew just what to say to pry things out of me that I’d kept locked up.
“What did I do?”
“Nothing. It’s just…I don’t talk about this. The only person who knew about it was my grandma.”
“And Kell?” he asked, and when I looked at him, I knew the truth showed in my eyes. “You don’t have to.”
“I think I do.” Because I wanted him. Because already I worried he would be different for me, but I didn’t think I could let that kind of different in, and Griff deserved the truth. “When I was a kid, there was this guy—Doug. Our families were close, and he was…he was my best friend. He was everything to me.”
“You loved him?” Griff asked.
Yeah, I had. “My whole damn life. Even before I realized it, I know I did.”
Griff’s hand slid up my back, rested on my shoulder. He gave it a squeeze, massaged the aching muscles there. “What happened?”
“We happened. It wasn’t planned. One day we were friends, the next we were more. We were young, just fucking babies. Sixteen when it started, but I knew what I felt.”