Total pages in book: 158
Estimated words: 156392 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 782(@200wpm)___ 626(@250wpm)___ 521(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 156392 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 782(@200wpm)___ 626(@250wpm)___ 521(@300wpm)
But I never meant to stab him. I really didn’t. The moment I did, I dropped the knife and couldn’t stop staring at the blood that gushed out of him.
Even then, I realized, I’d never truly hated him. The thought of him dying because of me hurt more than anything he’d ever done to me.
I didn’t realize I was walking backward until he shouted my name and I fell down the stairs.
Having amnesia was both a blessing and a curse.
A blessing because I was no longer scared of Eli and reverted to my personality at uni, and, in retrospect, my old feelings for him resurfaced. In the two years we were married, I didn’t dare admit those feelings, because the fear of accidentally provoking him and getting killed was much stronger.
A curse because now that I remember everything, the pain has doubled, and tripled until my chest can no longer carry the pieces of my broken heart.
Yes, I left Eli, but my feelings for him linger on like bitter lime stuck at the back of my throat.
“Is this about the divorce?” Cecy asks slowly.
She didn’t see me break down in uncontrollable chest-heaving sobs before I signed those papers, but she heard all about it from Ari.
Mama told me maybe I should wait, and even Papa, who’s been begging me to divorce Eli since I married him, said maybe I should do it when I’m calmer.
But I signed them. Even if I messed up the papers with my tears.
“It’s over now,” I whisper.
“Do you want it to be over?”
“It has to be over.”
“Says who?” My friend grabs my shoulders and sits facing me. “This is your choice, Ava. If you don’t want the divorce, don’t go through it.”
“I asked for it. I threatened him with suicide if he didn’t let me go.”
“Oh.”
I lower my eyes. Cecy is the only person I’ve told this, mainly because I didn’t want to worry my family. “Oh? Is that all you have to say?”
“I was wondering why someone like Eli would hand over the divorce papers so easily, and now, I understand. He’s willing to sacrifice his only red line for your safety.”
“More like he didn’t want blood on his hands. He’s probably glad he finally got rid of the loose screw.”
“Ava…” She takes my hand in hers. “First of all, you’re not a loose screw. You’re just someone who’s struggling by no fault of their own, and you made the hard decision to be admitted into a place you loathe in an attempt to get better. You’re so strong and impressive, I don’t even know how you do it. So I will not hear any self-deprecating rubbish again or I will smack you.
“Second of all, I don’t know if you’re aware of this, but Eli didn’t demand to be your guardian for controlling purposes. He really thought your parents, Ari, and even I were too soft and unable to handle hard decisions that could benefit you. We all knew you had alcoholism issues, but we were scared that if we pushed you to quit, you’d break. Not Eli. In fact, he berated us for babying you and letting your state deteriorate so badly. He got punched by Uncle Cole for it, by the way, but he still said he’d do it his way and none of us were allowed to interfere. That therapist he kicked out of the continent? He was caught on the verge of selling your and other patients’ confidential information to some pharmaceutical conglomerate, so Eli made sure he could no longer breathe in your vicinity.
“That first admission into the psyche ward was due to pressure from everyone after your constant panic attacks and fugue states. Uncle Cole was about to take him to court for negligence if he didn’t agree. He resisted it to the very end, but even after it happened, he visited you daily and spent a few hours with you no matter how busy he was. Sometimes, you recognized him, other times, you didn’t, but he was by your side every day until you used the sheets to try and strangle yourself. He discharged you the following day, despite the doctor's’ advice to put you on intensive watch and keep you for further observation.
“He threatened to have the entire institution shut down if anyone stood in his way as he carried you out. He vehemently refused to admit you again after that and chose to look after you himself. Sam told me he barely slept because he wanted to personally watch and keep you out of danger. He’s the one who carried you back to bed from your sleepwalks. If you fell into a puddle of mud, he's the one who bathed you and changed your clothes. He banned alcohol from the house and even stopped drinking it himself.