Total pages in book: 88
Estimated words: 84227 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 421(@200wpm)___ 337(@250wpm)___ 281(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 84227 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 421(@200wpm)___ 337(@250wpm)___ 281(@300wpm)
“Fuck.” Griff rubbed a hand over his face. “This is embarrassing.”
“There’s no reason to be embarrassed.”
He nodded and said, “I’m not really sure. More the first one, I think. I’ve dated a few women and slept with them, but it’s because I felt like I should do it more than actually wanting it—with them. But I don’t feel myself wanting to sleep with men either. Still, I think I have sexual feelings… It’s all sort of confusing.”
That made a lot of sense when I thought about my brother. Again, I wondered why I had never considered it before. “It sounds like you’re demisexual, Griff. Some people don’t feel attraction or sexual attraction the same way as others. There has to be some kind of emotional bond there first. You’re sure you don’t feel that bond with Chase?”
“No.” He shook his head vehemently.
“There’s also something called aromantic, where you don’t feel the desire for romantic relationships, or you don’t feel romantic attraction toward others. And then there’s asexuality—not feeling sexual attraction toward others, but it sounds like you think you might. There’s nothing wrong with you or how you feel, and I hope you’ve never thought that.”
He shrugged, which was such a typical Griffin response. “I never thought much about it, really. Just…worried about my bar, I guess, and focused on you.” He laughed, and I did too.
“Well, now you know. You can research those terms, hell, sexuality in general. I’m not an expert, and there might be other options out there. If something fits, great. If not, that’s okay too. And if you ever want to talk about it, I’m around.” It wasn’t often that I had advice or had to give Griffin a pep talk. It was quite the role reversal.
“I need to fix shit with Chase,” he said a moment later. “This helped. Talking with you.”
“Good. I’m glad.” It felt like a weight had been lifted off my chest, like before I couldn’t breathe and now I was able to.
“It’s good to see you happy, Kell. It really is. And if I’d pulled my head out of my ass sooner, I would have told you how obvious it is that you two are good for each other. Chase…he loves you. I can see that. It’s nice that the two most important people in my life are happy together.”
I couldn’t help it. I stood up, went over, and hugged him. “God, I love you. You’re the best big brother in the world.”
“I love you too,” Griff replied. When I sat back down, he asked, “Where is Chase, anyway?”
“I don’t know.” I pulled my phone out to look at it. “I texted him, and he hasn’t replied yet.” Which was weird. Chase was good at answering quickly.
“I’ll have to try and get ahold of him too. I miss the dumb sonofabitch.”
We both laughed as I glanced at my phone again, and I shot another text to Chase.
“Well, now that our food is cold…” Griff said.
“Right? I’ve been known to talk a little too much, I guess.”
The heavy conversation was done by then, so Griff and I ate our cold food. All the while, I couldn’t help but keep looking at my phone, wondering where my boyfriend was and why he wasn’t replying.
CHAPTER THIRTY-TWO
Chase
It wasn’t hard to get into the home I grew up in.
It was old and hadn’t been taken care of, but I also knew that the window in my old bedroom didn’t lock. I couldn’t remember when it broke, but it had never been something that was important to fix. Plus, it was loose, so you could wiggle it open easily from the outside, and yeah, even after I left home, Dad hadn’t found the need to repair it.
It was strange standing in the room that had been mine until I’d turned eighteen. It was full of junk. Dad was a collector of things—shit he’d find doing odd jobs, stuff off the side of the road; if there was a FREE sign, he took whatever was free whether he needed it or not, and if things weren’t free but he wanted them, well, he took that shit too. Apparently, he’d turned my space into a storage area for all that stuff. Yard signs, a broken table, an old sewing machine, of all things. My father didn’t sew. He used to fix things up and try to sell them, or trade them for things with his buddies if there was something he needed.
I remembered lying in this room at night, listening to my parents fight.
Then I listened to Dad drunk-rage that Mom took off and left him with me.
I listened to parties. To him and his friends drink and argue and put down everyone in town, especially the Caines.
And as I’d lain there, I’d dream I wasn’t in my bed, but in another room, in a house on the other side of town. That the Caines were my family. That Robert and Susan Caine were my parents. That Griffin was my brother. I didn’t remember ever wishing that of Kellan. It wasn’t that I didn’t care about him as much as Griff. Hell, I called Kell my brother when Griff and I got close, and I teased him like he was, but I’d never lain there and wished he was my blood the way I had Griffin. Maybe that meant something. Even back then, Kellan had always been different for me.