Total pages in book: 97
Estimated words: 89674 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 448(@200wpm)___ 359(@250wpm)___ 299(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 89674 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 448(@200wpm)___ 359(@250wpm)___ 299(@300wpm)
“Why are you here? I was pretty damn clear with my note.”
Dash refocused on me. “I apologize for losing my way. Come home and let’s work out a home balance that suits us both.” His tone was an octave higher than angry which meant it was still not that of a man begging for forgiveness.
“No. Now leave,” I said, my frustration directed at him and myself for drinking him into my thirsty soul. It would be so easy to do as he suggested, but dammit, he hadn’t asked. He’d commanded. He hadn’t addressed the Chandler issue or why he hadn’t come home the night I arrived back in Chicago. Instead, he came with that lawyerly air of superiority. As if his simple statement was all it was going to take for me to drop to my knees, suck him off in appreciation of his kindness.
“I won’t leave without you. I reviewed the security feed from that night and saw what you obviously did. I regret putting myself in such a compromising situation. Nothing happened between Chandler and me. I woke up the following day in my office. Chandler had taken my files and disappeared. It’s a convoluted situation, but I take responsibility, and I apologize once more.” I didn’t retreat as that felt like surrendering control. Instead, I towered over him, explaining my new truth.
“I’ll never return to Chicago. My life isn’t tied to that city anymore. You no longer hold that place in my heart. We’ve drifted apart. When you chose to exclude me in your dinners or cocktail hour…” I shook my head. I had to be succinct or tears might build. “I embarrassed you and your company. I should’ve taken off when you took their side.”
“You’ve never embarrassed me,” he said firmly, and I cut him right off.
“I know what I heard. You thrive in that world. The wealth, the prestige. Everything you’ve created serves as proof of what you lost when your family kicked you out. You deserve all the success. I want a simple life. We were always back to this unresolved conflict. We’re too different,” I explained to his shaking head.
“What I’ve accomplished was for the benefit of you. The money I’ve earned and the life I’ve provided was all with you in mind. Rock climbing isn’t cheap. The gear and trips come with a cost. Yet, I’ve rarely been invited to go with you.”
I laughed right in his face. “You were invited, but I got tired of the constant rejections. And my hobbies are far cheaper than the cars you keep buying,” I shot out, my willingness to compromise was fading fast. Fuck him for bringing up the activities that kept me sane through all the hours I spent alone. Fishing and climbing were literally all I had anymore.
“Beau.” Dash sighed, clearly frustrated with me. I sensed the way he insinuated that I was being foolish. Fuck him for making me feel inferior yet again. “We’ve made commitments to one another. We are meant to be together.”
I shook my head, remembering who he and I were right now, not the past. “We were kids who settled into life like middle-aged men. We’ve never dated anyone else. We’ve drifted apart because we are opposites in every way. I need time to sort out my life, manage my bills, and live within my means. I want to know what it feels like to be independent.” I was seconds away from saying that I couldn’t live with the complications and manipulations of a lawyer when tears developed in Dash’s eyes.
“While all that may be true, I can’t bear the thought of losing you,” he said. I didn’t disagree. I’ve mourned him these last couple of days. “Please, give me something to hold on to. Some glimmer of hope.”
I watched the tears gather enough momentum to roll down his cheeks. Oh, that was too much to see. My head hung low, and my eyelids shut. I caused his pain, just like I caused my own. It didn’t change the fact that he and I had grown apart, and I placed the blame squarely on him. I had remained basically the same person I’d always been.
Dash inched closer to me and leaned in, his fingers intertwining with mine. The tender grasp felt both familiar and secure. And those feelings turned out to be a façade. Dash hurt because he’d lost. After all the years of fighting for his clients, he’d become a man who’d lost sight of what life looked like. He wanted me to go back to Chicago, and sit in that house alone, waiting for him to eventually return. I refused to be a possession again.
“We need some time apart. Emotion can’t dictate this decision. You need to really consider what’s important to you. I do too. It’s unfair of me to ask you to live the life I want to live.”