Total pages in book: 59
Estimated words: 57908 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 290(@200wpm)___ 232(@250wpm)___ 193(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 57908 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 290(@200wpm)___ 232(@250wpm)___ 193(@300wpm)
“What?”
“She said she had an affair and that Josh might not be mine. I refused to believe that. He looked like me—he had my eyes. I demanded a paternity test, and she backed off. But it shook me. I doubted the truth for a while, even while I knew in my heart he was mine. I forced the issue to prove it, and the result was clear. I was his father.”
He kissed my hand, then released it and stood, pacing. “Every year, I send him a birthday card. I write him all the time and send pictures, but the letters come back unopened. The cards are returned. I have her cell number and I still call, but my messages aren’t returned. The only time I hear from her is if my child support is a day late. Which I do sometimes so her lawyer has to call me. Then I get a bad picture of my son and a brief update. That’s the only contact I have.”
“You must miss him.”
He met my eyes. “Every day. I think about him all the time. Wonder how he’s doing, what he’s taking in school. If he ever thinks about me.”
“Is she still married?”
“Not that I know. Last time I had that sort of info, she was on her third husband. The second one petitioned to adopt Josh, and I fought that and won. But I still don’t get to see him. I flew out once to Saskatchewan, and he refused to see me. I hung around for a week, showing up every day, asking for five minutes, and got nowhere. Roxanne told me I was upsetting him, so I left. I hated the thought that my presence was hurting him.” He tugged on his hair, clearly emotional and upset. “She got some sort of restraining order against me, saying I was harassing her and Josh. Then she moved again, and I have no idea where. All my contact is through her lawyer. My last three calls weren’t even acknowledged. My lawyer said there was nothing he could do for me, so I have been trying to figure things out on my own. And failing badly,” he admitted with a frown.
Unable to bear his pain or the distance, I went to him, wrapping my arms around his torso. “I’m so sorry, Dom. If I’d had any idea, I would never have brought out—”
He shook his head, silencing me. “You didn’t know. No one does.”
“Why don’t you talk about him?”
“It hurts too much. And I’m ashamed. Sometimes I wonder if I should have fought harder, played dirty the way she did.”
“It sounds as if you tried to put him first. It also sounds as if you keep trying.”
“My father walked out on me when I was six. I didn’t want Josh to think I abandoned him. I know that hollow feeling it leaves in your life.”
“Do you think your ex poisoned him against you?”
He nodded. “She was great at manipulation. Always the victim.” He barked out a humorless laugh. “I was always the villain. Even when we were together. She even had me believing I was a bad guy at one point.” He rested his chin on my head, his voice low. “Sometimes I wonder if it wouldn’t have been easier to have walked away when she was pregnant. Then I remember what it felt like when he said ‘Da-Da’ the first time, and I know I wouldn’t give that up, in spite of the pain I feel all the time.” He swallowed. “I miss him every day.”
“I understand. I almost lost Hannah, and if I had, I would have been grateful for the years we had together.”
He pulled back. “Lost her? How?”
“She was shot on the job. They weren’t sure she was going to pull through,” I said, my voice quavering as the memory of that awful time went through my mind. “Her partner died.”
He cupped my face. “Jesus, baby, I didn’t know.”
“That’s why she left Toronto. Went to Lomand. It was smaller, safer.”
“But you miss her.”
I nodded. “But knowing she is happy and safe is more important than her being here where I would worry myself sick daily.”
“That’s how I feel about Josh. He’s safe. In the pictures, he looks happy. I have to be satisfied with that. Hope that one day he reaches out and lets me tell my side of the story. Allows me to get to know him.”
“I hope that happens for you,” I whisper. “He should know what a great guy his father is. That you put him first, despite the pain it caused you.”
“You understand.”
“Yes,” I agreed. “I do.” A realization hit me. “That’s why you let people think you’re a love-’em-and-leave-’em type. It’s all a front.”
“Yes. I didn’t want to fall for someone again and lose them. I didn’t get close to anyone after I lost Josh.” He smiled sadly. “Until I met you. You blew all that out of the water, Cherry G.”