Total pages in book: 150
Estimated words: 147136 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 736(@200wpm)___ 589(@250wpm)___ 490(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 147136 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 736(@200wpm)___ 589(@250wpm)___ 490(@300wpm)
“No,” Brian answered with panic in his eyes, crossing the room to get to me and doing so without me stopping him. He grabbed my wrists and pulled my hands away. “Fuck, no, Jesus, I would never do that to you. Look at me,” he ordered, lifting my quivering chin. “I would never fuckin’ do that to you. I stopped after that night you attacked the car. Switched to solos after that. There was no one else.” He held my face. “Once I had you, there was no one else. I swear on my fuckin’ life, Syd.”
Brian wiped my tears away, then his face tensed again through a breath and he did something that completely shocked me.
He stepped back.
I gaped at him.
“Before I tell you this, know I realize how different things could’ve been if I would’ve thought of this option five months ago,” he said. His voice was shaking.
I braced myself, pressing the pads of my fingers to my mouth.
I could barely breathe.
“After that night of the party when I finally got you, when I finally got my girl, I knew I couldn’t keep going to that warehouse and filming, solos or not. I wanted out. I needed another way. I had you and I wouldn’t jeopardize it, so I convinced Jamie to buy me out of Wax.”
My lips parted.
“What?” I asked, blinking up at him.
Brian nodded as if to confirm I wasn’t hearing things.
“Sold my share and gave all the money to that family, and it was a lot of fuckin’ money, Syd. More than I had given them up to that point. I didn’t even think about it. Months ago, selling out didn’t cross my mind. I was so fucked up over this shit, I wasn’t thinkin’ straight. I wasn’t seeing other outs. If I had, I swear to you that’s what I would’ve done. You gotta believe me.”
“I do. I believe you,” I told him, watching his face soften and then eliminating that soft when I bit out, “What I can’t believe is you letting me think, for months, that you still owned Wax. You kept the truth from me, Brian. Again! I was getting everyone to go to the shop my boy owned because I was proud, and that whole time you let me think something that wasn’t true.”
“What could I have said?” he asked tensely, his voice growing louder. “Tell me. What the fuck could I have said to you? Why would I sell out?”
“You could’ve told me the truth!” I screamed. “But you didn’t! You didn’t tell me anything! You kept everything from me!”
“I was trying to protect you!”
“Well, you didn’t, did you? You didn’t protect me! You hurt me worse than anyone ever has!”
He sucked in a breath, then stepped closer, reaching out.
I stepped back.
“No,” I said, my hand raised between us. “You kept everything from me, Brian. You had plenty of time to tell me the truth but you didn’t.”
“I was planning on telling you. I was just waiting for the right time. I needed you to understand …”
“Stop,” I interrupted. “I don’t wanna hear your excuses. They don’t matter.”
He looked away briefly, then met my eyes again. “I’ll fix it,” he rasped. He sounded desperate. “Let me fix it. You know everything now, Wild. Everything.”
“Don’t call me that,” I whispered through my tears, then somehow with a softer voice added, “You lied to me.”
His chin jerked back, then his jaw got hard.
“Never lied to you,” he repeated gently but with eyes that were burning right through me. “Never touched another girl after you gave me that night on the phone. Kept things from you and did that because I thought that was the right move. Didn’t want you getting hurt and would’ve done anything, know this, Syd, would’ve done fuckin’ anything to keep that from happening. Can’t stand the thought of you hurting. From the beginning, couldn’t stand it. Thought about finding that ex of yours and killing that motherfucker more times than I could count. You did me in that night you called me. Lit my fucking world up. Had shit in my life, nothing but shit, then I got you, and fuck, baby, you gave me so much good.” He smiled a little, then lost it to continue on, “So much good, and I didn’t deserve any of it but you gave it. Got dick back but that didn’t stop you. Gave me that good and I took it. I was selfish, I know I was. I couldn’t risk losing you. And I’d apologize if I was sorry for getting your heart but I can’t be sorry for that.” He shook his head as tears filled his eyes again. “I’m trying. Right now, looking at you, I’m trying, Syd. I can be sorry for a lot of things and I am, I regret a lot of shit, but getting you? Fuck that. I’m not sorry. I’m in love with you. I’ll die being in love with you.”