Total pages in book: 121
Estimated words: 112069 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 560(@200wpm)___ 448(@250wpm)___ 374(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 112069 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 560(@200wpm)___ 448(@250wpm)___ 374(@300wpm)
My search for Remy meant I hadn’t been around while Marilyn had been getting to know her great-niece. Aleks had been the one left to introduce the little girl to the woman who was willing and able to give her a new life. But it still should have been me and Remy participating in that transition.
Together.
Admittedly, I'd been hurt and angry after he'd fled, but I'd understood what had driven him to it. I was struggling with the idea of losing Violet myself. She'd only been in my life for a few weeks, but between her and Remy, they'd changed something inside of me. Maybe not changed it, so much as brought it back. Those same emotions I'd felt after being handed my newborn son for the first time had been buried for so long after I'd lost Gio that I'd forgotten what they felt like. Remy and Violet had given me a glimpse. They'd been a reminder that that version of Luca was a pretty good one.
"How-how did you know?" Remy asked, stumbling over his own words.
"King saw you last night at the hospital as you were leaving the room. He asked the nurse about you and she said you had identified yourself as Aleks and that you'd been visiting Gio every night for the past week. King followed you back to this motel." I glanced around the dirty, musty room with disgust.
My Remy didn't belong in a place like this.
"I'm sorry," Remy began nervously. His palm felt sweaty and cold beneath my hand. "I only said I was Aleks because I knew he was allowed to visit Gio."
"I don't care about that," I said. "I just want to know why you were visiting him."
Remy swallowed hard but didn't answer. I huffed in frustration. Hadn't we gotten past all this? Hadn't we gotten past his mistrust of me?
Clearly not, or we wouldn't currently be standing in the piece-of-shit room.
"Just talk to me, Remy," I whispered. "Not because you feel like you owe it to me or any of that shit. Talk to me because you want to, because you need to, because it's me."
I saw the indecision flicker in his eyes, and it felt like some kind of death knell. If I hadn’t managed to earn his trust by now, I doubted I ever would. That fact felt like a dagger was being plunged through my heart.
I released Remy and stepped back. Up until that very moment, I'd believed there was something between us. I'd spent a lot of the last week as I'd searched for Remy trying to sort out my feelings for the younger man. I’d been worried that all of my actions had been based solely on the guilt I’d felt for leaving him behind so many years ago. And yes, that was what had started this whole thing between us, but it wasn't what had driven me to seek him out again.
Remy leaving like he had meant I could have had a clean break. With Violet leaving too, I would've been at a point where I could go back to my old life while I waited for my son to return to me.
I'd known within an hour of Remy leaving that I didn't want my old life back.
I'd only wanted Remy.
I had no idea how he’d become such an important part of my life in the past few weeks, but he had. Every up-and-down moment I'd had in the past seven days, I'd wanted to share that with him.
But clearly, he didn't want the same things.
I ignored the stabbing pain in my chest as I reached past his hip for the doorknob. I expected him to move when I turned it, but to my surprise, he dropped his hand and closed it over my wrist. "Don't," he whispered so quietly that I barely heard him. "Please don't go, Luca."
I didn't move or respond for fear that I'd somehow shut him down again. He had his eyes closed, making me wonder what kind of internal battle he was waging with himself.
"I was going to leave. For real… everything." He shook his head. I wanted to ask him what he meant because I had no clue what he was talking about, but I held my tongue. He was still gripping my wrist, his fingers flexing occasionally.
He sucked in a breath and said, "I quit my job because I was going to leave Seattle. Just pack a bag and go. Somewhere, anywhere. I did that… I packed a bag, I went to the bus station. When the guy asked me where I wanted to go, this was the place I told him. I don't know why. I got this room and then I went to the hospital and told them I was Aleks and they let me see your son. I started saying goodbye to him… I don't know, maybe it was my way of saying goodbye to you." Remy laughed, but it was harsh and ugly sounding. "I don't know what's happening to me," he added, his voice desperate and confused. He chose that moment to look at me, and the pain in his eyes made it hard to breathe.