Total pages in book: 103
Estimated words: 95906 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 480(@200wpm)___ 384(@250wpm)___ 320(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 95906 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 480(@200wpm)___ 384(@250wpm)___ 320(@300wpm)
Tears for me.
I pulled him into my arms and just held on to him for a really long time. The rage that had been firing through me dissipated and while I couldn’t say I exactly felt better, I felt marginally calmer.
“Tell me about Brady,” I said softly. It wasn’t so much that I wanted to hear about the man whose life I’d essentially taken, it was more that I wanted Micah to be able to get some of that shit out of his system.
“We talked about going to Alaska,” Micah began. “Brady started doing those fights to make enough money to get us there. He was dating Clara at the time. The day he was supposed to fight you, he found out she was pregnant, so they got married at the courthouse. He said he was excited about being a father, but I think the pressure made him desperate, you know?”
I did know. I’d felt that same pressure going into the fight.
“Yeah,” I said. I pulled back to put some space between us, then took Micah’s hand and led him back to the bed. Instead of sitting, I got into bed and sat back against the headboard. I drew Micah down so that he was sitting between my legs, his back pressed to my front. I wrapped my arms around him and asked, “Why do you think it was your fault, Micah?”
He let out a rush of air and I was pleased when he leaned back against me. “I didn’t want to be at that fight,” he admitted.
“You shouldn’t have been,” I said. “It’s no place for kids.”
“Brady was afraid to leave me alone with our father and we had plans to leave town right after he won the fight. Clara was saying goodbye to friends so we were going to meet her at the bus station. Anyway, I tried not to watch you two, but I couldn’t help it. When he went down and stayed down, I knew there wasn’t going to be any Alaska. But then I saw that knife and you had your back turned and I couldn’t let him… I couldn’t let him…”
I’d been running my fingers over the ones Micah had wrapped around my arm but when I heard his last words, I froze.
“You warned me,” I whispered in disbelief as I remembered the tortured “no” I’d thought I’d imagined being yelled from behind me.
Micah didn’t answer but he did turn his head so it was pressed against my shoulder. I kissed the top of it when I realized how hard it must have been for him to make the admission.
“You didn’t betray him, sweetheart. You just reacted to the situation. You would have done it for anyone, not just me. You had no idea how things would turn out.”
Micah was quiet so I wasn’t sure if he agreed with my argument or not. Likely not. He’d probably been torturing himself for years with the idea that he’d chosen me over his brother. “Micah, you didn’t kill him—there was no way you or even Brady could have known how I’d react to the sight of that knife. I was the one who was out of control. I was the one who should have been able to stop when the threat was over. I—”
“I moved him, Con.”
“What?” I asked because his words didn’t make sense.
“I moved him. After… after they pulled you off of him and everyone started to walk away, I was so scared he was going to die. I didn’t want him to leave me, so I tried to wake him up. When I couldn’t, I put his head in my lap and just talked to him.”
I tensed up as I realized where Micah was going with his explanation. “Micah, it’s unlikely—”
“I rode with Brady in the ambulance. The paramedic kept talking to someone on the radio. He told them the patient had been moved. The way he said it, I knew it meant something, but I didn’t know what. I didn’t make the connection between what I’d done and Brady being paralyzed until a couple of years later when I was in health class in school and they talked about first aid. The teacher started talking about how if you moved someone after they’d fallen or had significant injuries, you could actually end up paralyzing them—”
I couldn’t bear to hear Micah’s voice hitching up with every word so I turned him in my arms so I could look him in the eye. “Micah, listen to me. I’ve been in enough fights to know that something like that happening is extremely rare. Chances are, moving him had no effect on Brady. The damage had already been done. By me. Just me. Do you hear me?”
Micah just shook his head, his eyes heavy with unshed tears, and I knew in that moment that nothing I said would convince him that he hadn’t played any kind of role in his brother’s injuries. So I pulled him against my chest and just held him as he began to cry. As one ugly, gut-wrenching sob after another fell from his lips, I knew he’d likely never given himself permission to grieve for what had happened to his brother.