Total pages in book: 108
Estimated words: 105301 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 527(@200wpm)___ 421(@250wpm)___ 351(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 105301 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 527(@200wpm)___ 421(@250wpm)___ 351(@300wpm)
“I would love a tea. Thank you.” She calls back and I make quick work of preparing two mugs. “No sugar and only a splash of milk.” Her raspy aged voice adds.
I already put a sugar in so I dump it and start again, yawning powerfully as the kettle boils.
When I take both cups into the room and hand hers to her, she thanks me and takes a sip as I curl my legs under me in the corner of the couch.
My body is tense, unable to relax in her presence. This all seems so surreal.
“He looks so much like Caleb,” she murmurs quietly as Dillan runs a toy train over her thighs while making noises.
“Yeah,” I agree sadly. “He’d have loved him so much.”
“He would.” She smiles in a way that seems so genuine it makes every other smile I’ve seen look fake. “I’m sorry I didn’t tell you about him.”
“Sorry?”
“About his illness. There’s nothing I regret more than how I treated you all.”
What do I say to that?
She sips her drink and we enter a silence that’s not quite awkward but certainly lacks comfort.
After an hour she leaves and I release all of the air in my chest before rubbing my eyes so hard they hurt. Then I wrestle the kids into their napping spots and pray they sleep so I can too. Dillan doesn’t acquiesce and instead spends the fifteen minutes Emily remains sleeping lying on my back and stroking my hair. He loves stroking hair.
Being a mum is hard but I love it so much.
Chapter Twenty-Three
“I don’t get it,” Nathan snaps suddenly. He was all happy a moment ago, playing with the kids in the room, ignoring me like he has the past few weeks.
“Huh?”
His gorgeous brown eyes twinkle dangerously. “My mother…”
“Oh.” My lips linger in the shape of an O. “I figured she’d tell you.”
“She’d tell me?” He looks insulted and I can understand why. “Suddenly we’re separated and on different planets? I’ve been here almost every day.”
“I don’t know how to approach you at the moment.”
“You don’t know how to approach me?” Now he looks hurt so I snort and spew, “Yeah, how does that feel?” His mouth instantly clamps shut.
I continue. “I just haven’t been able to approach the subject. She’s visited a few times. We’ve come to a mutual understanding.”
“Yet I’m still not allowed home?”
For crying out loud. I huff with annoyance. “This is why you’re not allowed home, because you just don’t get it!”
“Don’t get mad.” He holds his hands up. “Let’s talk about this.”
“I have said this so many times, Nathan. I’m tired of spelling it out for you. If you don’t know what you’ve done and you don’t agree that it’s wrong, then you’re just going to do it again.” I calm myself and lower my voice. “It’s not about you seeing your mum. It’s that you didn’t tell me. You openly lied to me numerous times and made me feel as though I was losing my mind!”
“I couldn’t…”
“Talk to me.” I stare at him, absorbing every single inch of him. Burning him to memory. “I know. You’ve said and that’s what hurts the worst.”
“I feel so lost.” He turns away from me and realigns the kettle with the sugar, tea and coffee pots. “I thought I was just giving you space. I didn’t realise you needed me to grovel.”
My mouth falls open. “Grovel? You broke my trust!”
“With good reason.”
“Tell me the reason so I can judge!”
“DADDY!” Emily screams from the hallway. It’s a happy scream, not a sad or scared scream, so neither of us panic and I allow Nathan to step out of the room to deal with her. When he comes back in with Emily in his arms, he diverts his eyes and the conversation.
“You’ve been staying later at work a lot lately.”
Shrugging, I remove Emily from his arms and place her in the highchair. Dillan comes racing in as soon as he hears the fridge open. I give them both a yoghurt each and smile when they fall instantly silent.
“Anything you want to tell me about that?” Nathan presses, seeming nervous.
“I’ve been working.”
“Why so late?”
“We’re building a new menu so I’ve been staying to help prep.”
He nods and licks his lower lip. It glistens and I miss kissing it so badly. When he realises I’m staring, his pupils dilate and I know he feels the same.
“With everyone?”
“Why are you questioning me?” I sigh, knowing exactly where this conversation is going.
His brow quirks as he snaps, “You’ve been alone with Kerim.”
“And so it begins,” I laugh humourlessly. “This is one of the reasons I haven’t spoken to you at all these past couple of weeks.”
“I have a right to know.”
“No you don’t,” I whisper shout. “Not anymore. You lost that right!”
The tension between us thickens and I can see Nathan battling with the urge to retaliate. He doesn’t. He turns and leaves the room to calm down and I’m glad for it. When he comes back in, he helps me to clean the kids up but doesn’t talk again at all before I leave for work.