Total pages in book: 114
Estimated words: 103918 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 520(@200wpm)___ 416(@250wpm)___ 346(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 103918 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 520(@200wpm)___ 416(@250wpm)___ 346(@300wpm)
"So you gave up your dream so she could live hers," Lex said.
"I was happy enough. Every once in a while, I'd take a week off from the paper and go shoot pictures of something that I'd seen in a magazine that fascinated me. I'd come back like a new man. But in the long run, I guess that fed into some resentment I didn’t want to admit to. I tried again to get Serena to come with me. Even just for the short trips. But she didn't want to go, so I started to cut back on the trips and then eventually stopped them all together. I loved my family and didn't want to lose them."
"You said Bethie was a surprise."
"She was. Serena and I had been arguing more and more. Nothing seemed to make her happy and I guess I felt like I was going stir crazy. Bethie's arrival helped calm things for a little while, but then we found out she was sick, and everything went to hell again. Serena would have these crazy mood swings where she would be screaming at me one minute and crying in my arms the next. Emma was around ten at the time. She started getting into trouble at school and acting out at home. I knew she was only reacting to the fights her mom and I were having, so I asked Serena to go to marriage counseling with me. She said she would, but every time I'd make the appointment, she'd find a reason not to go. It went on like that for two more years."
"How did it end?" Lex asked.
"I came home from work one day and found Serena and Emma both passed out on the couch. Serena had let Emma drink with her. She'd always treated her more like a friend than a daughter," I explained. "It turned out that it hadn't been the first time. I sent Emma to stay with her grandparents, Serena's parents. I told Serena that if she didn't get some help, we were through. The day… the day Bethie died…"
My throat clogged up with emotion. I felt Lex's hand on my back and then he was leaning into my side. "Shhh, it's okay, my love. Let them fall." It wasn't until he said the words that I realized tears had started to slip down my cheeks. I didn't know how he'd known that, but he had.
"The day Bethie died, I told Serena I was filing for divorce. I'd already moved out of the house at that point and we were legally separated, but Serena had refused to believe I'd go through with it. After what happened with Emma, I didn't trust her to take care of either of the girls, so I told her I was going to seek full custody unless she got some help. I shouldn't… I shouldn't have left Bethie with her. It's my fault, Lex. I knew Serena was unstable—"
"Gideon, if you’d truly believed Serena was capable of hurting either of your children like she did, you wouldn't have left them with her. I don't need to see to know that about you. There's a big difference between a parent acting irresponsibly and a parent intentionally putting the lives of their children in jeopardy. From everything you've told me, Serena did the former, not the latter. So you had no way of knowing that she would do what she did."
Deep down, I knew Lex was right. Had I thought for even a second that Serena would deliberately set out to hurt either of our children, I would've taken them from her and never looked back.
I nodded and squeezed his fingers, hoping he'd get my silent message. His hand moved to the back of my neck. He began massaging the stiff muscles there. "What happened with Emma after Serena and Bethie died?"
"She didn't want to have anything to do with me. When I went to pick her up from her grandparents’ house after we’d gotten the news about Serena and Bethie, she kept screaming at me that it was my fault. I tried to console her, but Serena's parents told me to go." I looked at Lex and whispered, "I shouldn't have left her, Lex. I realize now that she needed me, no matter how much she hated me. But all I could think about was that she was right. That it had been my fault."
"You were grieving, Gideon. There's no right way to do that."
I knew he was right.
"You never got Emma back after that, did you?"
"No. Her grandparents thought it best that she stay with them for a while. I was okay with it because I wasn't really in any position to take care of Emma. I waited too long to go and get her. Emma wanted nothing to do with me and Serena's parents told me all I was doing was hurting her by coming around. I blamed myself for what had happened, so I thought they were right. I thought Emma was better off without me. It took a long time for me to get my head out of my ass. By the time I did, it was too late."