Total pages in book: 59
Estimated words: 56786 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 284(@200wpm)___ 227(@250wpm)___ 189(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 56786 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 284(@200wpm)___ 227(@250wpm)___ 189(@300wpm)
“Stop that,” Aksel said, frowning. “I can smell your emotions, Luce. It’s not your fault. Why do you always think everything is your fault?”
Lucien opened his mouth and closed it without saying anything. How could he explain to Aksel something he barely understood himself?
“You’re not ugly or dirty,” Aksel repeated, scowling. “It’s the stupidest thing ever. If you say that crap again, I’ll—I’ll—” He frowned, clearly struggling to come up with an appropriate threat.
Lucien smiled involuntarily, nearly choking on the wave of affection that suddenly washed over him. God, he loved this boy. More than anything in the world.
“Now tell me what’s wrong,” Aksel said, his gaze shifting to Lucien’s protrusions. “Your chest?”
Lucien covered the swollen protrusions with his hands, averting his gaze. “I think there was a milk clot or something,” he said, his face hot with mortification. “I finally got it out, but I know it’ll start hurting again soon.” His eyes burned with tears of exhaustion. “I’m so tired, Aksel. So tired of this. Tired of feeling sore, of this body, of hating my body—of—of… Sometimes I think: what’s the point?”
Why do I keep living? For what?
He bit his tongue to stop himself from saying that. He shouldn’t burden Aksel with any of this. He deserved better.
“Luce.”
Something about Aksel’s tone made him look at him.
“Why do you hate your body?” the younger boy said. “You keep saying that, but it’s stupid. It makes no sense to me.”
Lucien chuckled harshly, gesturing to his chest. “Is that not enough? The protrusions are disgusting.”
A wrinkle formed between Aksel’s dark brows. “Don’t be dumb,” he said, eyeing Lucien’s protrusions curiously. “You’re not disgusting anywhere.”
Lucien shook his head.
“I like how they look,” Aksel said after a moment. “They look soft. Like you. Squishy and cuddlable.”
“Cuddlable?” Lucien said with a laugh. “Squishy?”
Aksel laughed too. “I don’t know, okay? But they definitely don’t look disgusting! That’s dumb! You’re dumb if you think anything about you is disgusting.” Something like embarrassment flashed through Aksel’s face. “Like, when people say the word beautiful, you’re the first thing I think about.”
Lucien’s throat suddenly felt uncomfortably tight.
Beautiful? Him?
“Don’t be ridiculous,” Lucien whispered with a weak laugh. “I’m not—”
“You are,” Aksel said with such firmness that for a moment Lucien could see the man he would become one day.
It sometimes still surprised him how mature Aksel was, but he’d come to understand that it was partly because of him being a Xeus. Heightened instincts and strength weren’t the only benefits of being a Xeus. Children with the Xeus gene matured differently from regular children. Aksel was very smart, his superior instincts guiding him where he lacked experience. He always seemed to know exactly what to say to make Lucien feel better.
Aksel was going to make someone a wonderful mate one day.
“Thank you, darling,” Lucien said, clearing his throat a little. “It means a lot to me that you think so. I—thank you. I feel better now.”
“Really?” When Lucien nodded, Aksel grinned at him and pulled him to his feet. “Then brush your teeth and let’s go to bed. I’m tired.”
“So bossy.” Lucien rolled his eyes with a laugh, picking up his shirt and putting it on. His chest still felt a little sore, but he did feel much better on the inside. Lighter. “You have your own bed—your own room. Go sleep there.”
Aksel wrinkled his nose. “It’s cold,” he grumbled. “And it doesn’t smell anywhere near as nice as yours.”
“Of course it doesn’t,” Lucien said with a long-suffering sigh, reaching for his toothbrush.
When he emerged from the bathroom, Aksel was already waiting for him in his bed.
Turning the lights off, Lucien got into the bed and looked at the other boy. “I’m sorry,” he said awkwardly. “You shouldn’t have seen me like that. Let’s pretend this never happened, all right? It’s terribly embarrassing.”
Aksel scoffed. “You’re so stupid. There was nothing embarrassing about it. I like taking care of you.”
Lucien gave him a sleepy smile and turned away. The boy was adorable, really.
“You shouldn’t be the one taking care of me,” Lucien said, his voice quiet. “I’m older. It’s not right.”
“I want to,” Aksel said stubbornly, moving closer and spooning him. “It feels right.” He wrapped his arm around Lucien’s waist protectively. “This feels right.”
Sighing fondly, Lucien gave up. It was rather embarrassing that he couldn’t win an argument against the younger boy, but he didn’t mind. He didn’t feel like making a fuss over this. And he couldn’t deny that he liked being cared for. It was so comforting. And he had a sneaking suspicion that Aksel needed this as much as Lucien did. Aksel liked feeling needed. Feeling wanted. Vagrippa was a loving mother, but she wasn’t a very affectionate one. And as a beta, she didn’t have the right pheromones to soothe her alpha son. All Eilan children needed physical affection; it was normal. Lucien obviously wasn’t Aksel’s mother, and Lucien knew the boy didn’t see him as a parental figure, but he was an omega in Aksel’s pack. He probably exuded comforting, soothing pheromones. It was natural that Aksel wanted to hold him and take care of him. The protective instinct was predominant in all alphas. They needed to feel useful and needed.