Total pages in book: 59
Estimated words: 56786 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 284(@200wpm)___ 227(@250wpm)___ 189(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 56786 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 284(@200wpm)___ 227(@250wpm)___ 189(@300wpm)
He was scared that his scent would betray him. These days, he positively reeked of Aksel’s scent, his own pheromones and sex. At least the Duke of Westcliff was gone now—another Xeus alpha wouldn’t have been fooled by the numerous showers Lucien took every day to remove the traitorous scents.
Lucien still wasn’t sure they were fooling anyone. He had caught Royce casting him and Aksel probing looks several times during dinner, and Vagrippa’s lips seemed to always be pressed into a thin line when she looked at them.
It made Lucien extremely self-conscious and painfully aware of the distance between him and Aksel. They were seated next to each other at dinner because they had always sat that way. Changing it now would only attract more attention. But were they sitting closer than was proper? Lucien tried to maintain an appropriate distance, but the space separating them seemed to just disappear every time he forgot to keep himself in check: his instincts took over and he subconsciously moved into Aksel’s personal space—or perhaps Aksel moved into his. Lucien hoped it was the latter, but he had a sneaking suspicion it was the former.
He’d always been needy for Aksel’s attention, even back when they had been children, taking comfort in his presence and scent, but this... This was something else. It was like fighting gravity—impossible. His body literally trembled with the urge to touch Aksel: grab his strong hand, rub his cheek against Aksel’s bicep or crawl into his lap and bury his face in his neck. And scent him. And cling. And scent him. And bite his neck. And cling.
God, it was fucking torture.
Rationally, Lucien understood what was going on: his omega instincts were going haywire because he hadn’t been claimed by what his body considered a suitable mate. That was why he was so needy and clingy: his body didn’t understand why his need was still unfulfilled, didn’t understand that he and Aksel could never be properly mated and bonded, could never hold hands. Or share a kiss. It wasn’t that kind of relationship. It was just an affair.
An affair.
The word still felt wrong. Off. Not enough.
“... Lucien?”
Flinching, Lucien turned to Royce’s husband and put on a smile. “Yes? Sorry, my mind was elsewhere.”
Haydn shot him a curious look but, thankfully, didn’t comment on his lack of attention. “I was asking whether you’re going to accompany us to the Dordinton gala.”
Lucien pulled a face. “Not really my scene,” he said with a small laugh. While he wasn’t a social pariah thanks to his connection to the Cleghorns, he knew he wasn’t really welcomed in high society circles. He still got the invitations, as part of the family, but he skipped most of them. He did force himself to attend some of them once in a while, just to prove to himself that he could—and to show the gossipmongers that he didn’t care about their opinions. But Lucien didn’t think it would be a good idea to go anywhere when he felt so off balance and needy. Right now he could barely keep it together in front of his pack. He doubted he could do it surrounded by those vultures.
“What about you, Aksel?” Haydn said.
Lucien felt more than saw Aksel shrug. “Not my scene, either,” he said, his knee knocking against Lucien’s and staying there, the pressure embarrassingly reassuring.
Lucien’s insides turned molten. Not even with desire. With the urge to hook their ankles together. God. He wanted to crawl into Aksel’s arms, under his skin. He wanted to be wrapped in him, wanted them to be one body. He wanted his alpha back inside him, thick, hot and hard. His, Lucien’s.
Beside him, Aksel inhaled sharply and suddenly got to his feet. “I’m done,” he said, his voice rough, before stalking out of the dining room, his scent thick and aggressive.
He hadn’t even finished eating.
Royce cleared his throat, breaking the awkward silence. “Xeus will be full tonight,” he said. “He must be feeling on edge already.”
Oh.
Lucien’s heart started beating faster.
The thing was, it would be a lie to say that he hadn’t thought about being with Aksel during the full moon—that he hadn’t imagined what it would feel like.
Ever since they’d started having sex... Lucien had noticed that sometimes Aksel lost control of himself, his eyes glowing, his claws snapping out of his fingers and small tufts of fur appearing on his face. It didn’t scare him. It... Truth be told, it was exhilarating. It was exhilarating to know that Aksel wanted him badly enough to lose control of his partial transformation. And, to his shame and bewilderment, Lucien found the idea of being taken by Aksel in his monstrous form far from unappealing.
He wouldn’t mind it.
He really, really wouldn’t mind it.
It was embarrassing, because most people were either disgusted by the mere idea or fetishized it. Lucien knew there were people out there who fetishized Xeus alphas despite despising them. To some people, it was titillating to imagine sex with an aggressive, ugly, beastly creature like the ones Xeus alphas turned into during their ruts. Lucien knew such attitudes had always bothered Aksel even more than people’s scorn and fear.