Total pages in book: 84
Estimated words: 79968 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 400(@200wpm)___ 320(@250wpm)___ 267(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 79968 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 400(@200wpm)___ 320(@250wpm)___ 267(@300wpm)
I was running my fingertips over a knot in the table that was covered by a bait and tackle store sticker, and I realized I’d been silent for a bit too long.
“Let me put it this way,” I finally said. “Nothing was ever the same after Dad caught me kissing Tommy in freshman year.”
“Caught you?” Shawn asked. “But you were always out and proud, I thought.”
I clicked my tongue. “Not until that year,” I said. “Before that night, I was Dad’s favorite thing in the world. He’d take me fishing, give me all sorts of advice, watch football with me, all of it. We were a team, especially since my mom passed when I was so young. But then after that night it all dropped away. All at once.”
“I had no idea,” Shawn said, his voice low. “I knew your dad was more of an old-school guy, but…”
I shrugged. “After months of icy treatment, I said fuck it. If my dad was going to hate who I was, then I was going to be the loudest, proudest version of myself to rub it in. That’s when I became the version of me you seem to remember.”
He nodded once. “That’s the only version of you I remember. And I looked up to.”
“The moment I turned eighteen and went out to California, I never looked back. Once I had money I flew Dad out to see me a couple of times, but I never wanted to come back here for long.”
“I always thought you were just too cool for town,” Shawn said quietly.
I puffed out a laugh. “At the time, I might have thought so, too. But part of me just needed to get far away. To start somewhere new.”
Shawn was looking at me in a way he never had before, like he was realizing I wasn’t what he thought I’d been. This was part of the reason I never got too close to anybody. It felt strange opening up, especially about my past.
But it felt different with Shawn.
Maybe because in reality, he’d known me for his whole life. There was nothing to lose from opening up to Shawn.
And his eyes sure looked beautiful when he was gazing at me like he was right now, no matter how much I was squirming thinking about my past.
“I had figured Old Man Rushing was accepting of you,” Shawn said. “Did your dad eventually open up to you? He certainly was always kind to any guys I brought on dates to the bar.”
“Exactly,” I said, biting the inside of my cheek. “He was open and accepting to any gay or bisexual people, as long as it wasn’t me. Anyone who wasn’t his only son, his legacy, all that bull crap. For the longest time I thought he had written me off entirely. But I see now that he had photos of me tacked up everywhere in his office. Clippings from newspapers where my bars got good reviews and write-ups in San Francisco. I guess in his own way, he was proud of me. And it hurts that I never knew that while he was still around.”
My heart felt like it was slowly tumbling out of me with every word. Shawn was looking at me from across the stickered table, his eyes so inviting and big and full of… something. Acceptance, maybe.
I never talked like this with anyone—not even Nathan, who’d been my best friend forever. We shared beers and stories. We kayaked, hiked, and did just about every outdoor activity we could think of together.
But I didn’t usually open up like this, even to him.
“I don’t know how anybody could be anything but proud of you,” Shawn finally said.
I pulled in a long, slow breath, trying to settle my heart rate just a little. I clicked my tongue. “That’s because you’re a total fucking sweetheart, Shawn.”
There was that adorable blush. That blush that brought me right back down to Earth and made me feel like all of the mushy stuff I’d just let slip was worth it.
Of course, I also wanted to grab him and drag him right off to my bedroom. Anybody with eyes wouldn’t have been able to resist the way he was looking at me right now.
He cleared his throat. “Well, I know whenever Old Man Rushing talked about you, he did it with pride,” he said. “A little sadness, too, which I always just thought was him showing that he missed you. But maybe he also had some regret.”
“I think he wanted me to be happy, deep down. Even if he didn’t understand my orientation. Even if I confused the hell out of him.”
“He would never have left you this house or Jade Brewery if he didn’t love you,” Shawn said.
I reached over, squeezing the back of Shawn’s hand. “Thank you for listening to me bitch. You didn’t have to do that.”