Total pages in book: 100
Estimated words: 98992 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 495(@200wpm)___ 396(@250wpm)___ 330(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 98992 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 495(@200wpm)___ 396(@250wpm)___ 330(@300wpm)
My face falls back to the ground where the white mockery of a treat is nestled between my legs.
How can I ever forgive myself for something like that?
I committed the ultimate treason.
I don’t know that I’ll ever finish paying the price.
Being with Pres was more powerful than any addiction.
More satisfying than any high.
She was a piece of my soul I sacrificed not once but fucking twice for my own fucked up selfishness.
I don’t know if I’ll ever be whole again without her.
Without that piece of me.
And honestly…I’m not fucking sure I wanna be.
Chapter 10
Presley
Theory 5: Love Makes You Protective
Mondays usually come too quickly for me, but not this time.
No.
This Monday took its sweet fucking time to arrive.
With Katherine doing a family yacht brunch that flowed into a family lunch that transposed into a big dinner on Sunday, I spent the entire day drunk on nostalgia. I played Solitaire and Devil’s Grip and Slap Jack – although that one felt a little stupid after a few rounds. I mentally bathed in the most romantic moments with Ry that my mind could conjure around my Richard Gere marathon which included An Officer and A Gentleman and Runaway Bride. Pizza and breadsticks and cinnamon twists were all had yet not once did I feel pushed to put the carbs in my mouth by emotions.
Only hunger.
Xander had plans that didn’t include or require me. He left somewhere around seven in the morning and came home shortly after seven in the evening with actual groceries. To my surprise, among the groceries, which he insisted I didn’t have to help put away – a first – was a set of gel pens for me. He expressed his hope that it would make filling in the calendar with my schedule more “fun” for me.
The effort he tried to give wasn’t lost on me, however, him missing the point of my hatred for it all together clearly went over his head.
An unexpected knock on my office door has me realizing that my hands are in my lap instead of on the computer keys where they should be. “Come in.”
Merrick’s adorable face sweetly appears around the edge of it. “You sure you want me to come in, boss lady?”
“Yeah?” I cautiously reply. “Why wouldn’t I?”
“Because I knocked four times before you answered.”
Geez…I gotta get a better grip on reality.
I can’t keep just spending my life lost in reveries of what ifs and what was.
“Sorry,” my apology is attached to a polite grin. “Just have a lot on my mind lately.” Folding my hands together, I warmly ask, “What can I do for you for Merrick?”
“I was just wondering if you got my proposal for the Spring Festival?” He excitedly questions as he approaches my desk. “I know I’m in charge of painting the booths, but I got hit with this amazing effing inspiration the other day and now have a slightly different vision for the concert background. I sent it over the weekend. I don’t know if you got it. I mean I know you usually work on the weekends…but I don’t know if it came through.”
I do usually work on the weekends.
Every weekend.
I mean I have more play time now than I used to; however, I still spend more time working than playing.
Maybe it’s because I don’t like who I’m “playing with”?
Katherine aside, I don’t go out of my way to make plans with others.
Perhaps because in making plans with them it requires couples dating and I don’t really care for the couples we spend time around.
“I didn’t get as much done this weekend as I normally do,” I casually confess while leaving out the uglier details, “however, I will get the proposed changes looked at before the end of the day.” Bafflement by his presence abruptly hits me. “Is that why you’re here so early?”
“I popped by before class,” he replies with a smirk. “My girlfriend had this thing she had to do, so I swung by early to see the status on my project.”
“You should definitely bring her to the Spring Festival. I would love spend more time with her.”
“I will.” His grin grows wider. “I think she’ll love it. Plus, I uh…I really love when she gets a chance to see my art up close.”
Of course he does.
What boyfriend wouldn’t love sharing his work with the woman he adores?
Merrick attempts to continue to talk when there’s another unexpected knock on my office door. Welcoming more distractions to get me back on task and away from my self-wallowing, I call out, “Come in.”
Surprisingly, Xander walks into my office.
Well, this isn’t good.
In all the years of our relationship, the number of unexpected visits he’s made can all be accounted for on one hand.
The first, he moved his sister in with us for two weeks while she waited to move to Rome. It was a fucking nightmare. She was loud on the phone at all hours of the night. She would use up all the hot water in the morning. She broke my favorite coffee mug on the same day she used the last of my coffee creamer while wearing my fluffy robe. I ended up sleeping in my office the last four nights in a hopeless attempt to stop the desire of smothering her in her sleep. Katherine offered me a place to crash, but she had just gotten married, and I wasn’t trying to ruin their nuptial bliss.