Total pages in book: 84
Estimated words: 79040 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 395(@200wpm)___ 316(@250wpm)___ 263(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 79040 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 395(@200wpm)___ 316(@250wpm)___ 263(@300wpm)
“Yeah, well, I’m about to do something even dumber. And I need advice.”
There’s a pause. “Did you adopt something else?”
“What? No.” I guess I have a kind of history for adopting things and it turning out to be a massive mistake, but I don’t appreciate her assumption.
A longer pause follows. This time, her voice is hopeful and excited. “Did you finish your book?”
“Wait, what? I said I did something dumb. Why would that be dumb?”
“Oh, I got bored of guessing what you did wrong. I was just curious if you finished.”
“Focus, Dani. This is important.”
“Okay, okay. What did you do?”
When I speak, it comes out in a rush. I’m hoping it will all sound more reasonable when I say it aloud. “I showed up at Vaughn’s work conference thing in Arizona. I flew out without telling him, got a hotel room, and was planning to surprise him at the author meet and greet tomorrow.” I wait, wincing while I imagine all of that bouncing around my sister’s head. Saying it aloud definitely didn’t make it sound more reasonable. Not even a little.
I can almost picture Dani blinking as she takes in everything I just said. “That’s not funny, Charli.”
“Good, because it’s not a joke!” I walk around the room and do a sort of jazz hand thing with my free hand. “I’m freaking out! What do I do?”
“What do you mean what do you do?” Dani hisses. “You already did it, doofus!”
“I thought it would be one of those relationship saving kinds of gestures. I don’t know! It seemed like a good idea when I thought it up!” I’m practically hysterical now. I knew this was stupid. I was already freaking out, but hearing my sister’s panic is only pushing me more over the edge.
“Were you perhaps drunk when you thought this up?”
I pause jazz-handing to touch my fingertip to my chin. In fact, I think I was maybe a little tipsy at the time. “I’m here, Dani. And I need advice, not your best impression of Judge Judy.”
She takes a deep breath. “Well, let’s examine the facts. Shall we? You’ve dated Vaughn Vanderprick–”
“You know I hate when you call him that.”
“Sorry, it just really rolls off the tongue. Let me try again. You’ve dated Vaughn Vanderlesh for two years now. In those two years, he has strung you along, failed to follow through on any promises about helping you get discovered, never brought you to a single work thing, and has just been an all around scumbag boyfriend. In fact, he has essentially created a blueprint with a giant, fat, clear sign saying ‘showing up at a work thing unannounced is the last thing I’d ever be excited about!’”
I flop down on the mattress. She’s right. Of course she’s right. “Maybe I knew this was stupid from the start. I think I’m just hoping I can give him a chance to prove me wrong, you know? Maybe I’ve misread it all along. What if he sees me tomorrow and he just lights up? What if he parades me around like he’s proud to be my boyfriend? He might introduce me to all his work friends as his promising author girlfriend and try to convince them to sign me when I finish my book.”
Dani lets out a long, sad breath. And yes, when you’ve been sisters long enough, you know if breaths are sad or happy. “I don’t want to see you get hurt. You’re my favorite sister, and I love you.”
I grin. “Maddie told me you say the exact same thing to her.”
“Maddie is a dirty liar and you can’t trust a word she says. She’s also only sixteen. If I did say something like that to her, it wouldn’t carry the same weight it does with you.”
“You love me, but…” I say, knowing the “but” is coming.
“But I think this could be a total disaster. And I think you have to know that, so I’m just a little worried about you. So what’s going on?”
I lay face first on the bed, flopping down like a dead fish. My voice comes out muffled by the pillow. “I feel like things with me and Vaughn are falling apart. The more I try to be the girl I think he wants me to be, the more he gets distant. He used to call me when he was at this kind of thing and now he just ghosts me and makes half-assed apologies after he gets back. Then he suggests something stupid like a blowjob to cheer me up.”
Dani makes a gagging sound. I’m feeling mean, so I almost say there’s no gagging when Vaughn is involved because he’s not even big enough for that. But I don’t voice my thoughts. I really do want to fix things.
“Vaughn is like that avocado you set on the counter because it wasn’t ripe yet,” Dani says. “You kept planning to eat it. Maybe it would be good for some guac or on your eggs, you think. Maybe you’ll just eat it plain with some salt, because who doesn’t love a little avocado with salt? But it’s still not ready, so you wait. And then one day, you’re moving shit around on the counter and surprise! That fucking avocado is there. It’s so soft now it will basically implode if you touch it. It smells. It has a small penis. It’s a loser. It’s the lamest, shittiest avocado you could ever imagine dating your sister, and you just want to pulverize it into smelly–”