Series: Fever Falls Series by Riley Hart
Total pages in book: 89
Estimated words: 85157 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 426(@200wpm)___ 341(@250wpm)___ 284(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 85157 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 426(@200wpm)___ 341(@250wpm)___ 284(@300wpm)
“Yes. Of course I did. I hate myself for the way I’ve used women, Campbell, but most of them? Most of them used me too. They didn’t want to be with me because they liked me; they wanted to be with me because I was Ashton Carmichael. Bridget…we’d been dating. I liked her. I didn’t desire her or love her, but I liked her enough that I thought I would feel okay in my life if we stayed together. Bridget liked to have fun, and the foursome was her idea—not that she’d had to try to talk me into it. I think some stupid part of me thought that proved my masculinity or something.”
I sighed, and he brushed his finger along my bandage. I kissed the top of his head. “I’m here, Ash. Keep going. I’m not going to judge you.”
“I know you won’t…not you. So, we drank a lot. I…I had to take Viagra off and on too. I needed it with women, sometimes.”
Ash buried his face in my stomach, and my heart broke for him.
“So we had sex. I hadn’t known about the pictures. She told me about them. I paid her for them—and the fucked-up part was I would have given her money regardless. I don’t give a shit about that. Still, she leaked them. She’d gotten what she wanted from me. She wasn’t the first.”
My blood ran cold. My whole body went rigid, tense with anger and pain for Ash. “Jesus, baby. I’m so fucking sorry. You didn’t deserve that. Why didn’t you say anything? Why didn’t you tell people?”
“Would it have mattered?” he asked. And then, more quietly, added, “I love football. I want football. I still want it. Who am I if I’m not a football player? But part of me, part of me was relieved.”
I squeezed him tighter, held him. Wanted my body to melt into his. I would do anything to protect him, to take care of him, to make sure no one hurt or used him again. “I will never use you. I don’t give a shit about football. I only care about you.”
“You’re one of the only people in my life with whom I never felt like you wanted something from me.”
I didn’t want just something from Ash…I wanted him. I always had. “That’s kind of a lie because I want you… I’ve always wanted to be a part of your world, your life, but I just didn’t understand it.”
“That’s different.”
“Is it?” I asked.
“Yes, because I’ve always felt the same about you. It’s like…like it was always there between us. We might not have known it, but it was.”
He was right. I knew it down to the marrow of my bones. “I’m falling in love with you, Ash,” I admitted, despite the tightness in my throat, the thump of my heart, and the spinning in my head. “I know it’s soon and you’re not out. I’m not trying to put pressure on you. I’ve just…never had something I wanted as much as you, something I was willing to fight for.” I hadn’t even been willing to fight for football. My whole life I’d told myself it was because I had a family to take care of, but I was sure it was really fear. I wouldn’t make that same mistake with Ash.
“Holy shit. We’re in love, Campbell.” He leaped up and straddled my hips. “Do you know what this means?”
“No…?”
“Me neither, but it sounded good.”
Laughing, I cupped his face with both hands, pulled him closer, and took his mouth. It was a kiss filled with desire, with years of want and denial. “You said we’re in love, Carmichael.”
“I did? That’s weird.”
“Fucker.”
He was quiet for a moment, then said, “Kenny asked tonight if I was your boyfriend, and I told him I wasn’t.”
It was both like a punch to the gut and something I understood. I waited for him to continue, and when he didn’t, replied with, “So?”
“I lied because I was scared. I want to be committed to you, but I’m so fucking scared. I know it’s stupid, that I need to get over myself, but what if I can’t? What if I can’t do this?”
“Cut yourself some slack. You’re just getting comfortable in your skin. I’m not pressuring you.”
“What if it never happens?”
“It will.”
“What if it doesn’t?”
“I don’t think there’s anything you can’t do, Ashton Carmichael. Come on, you know that.”
I sat up, and his arms went around my neck, his legs around my waist. “Well…I am really fucking good.”
“You are, but I won’t ever admit that again.”
“What about just once a week? Or at least once a month. I’m sure we can come to some kind of agreement.”
“Nope. Never.”
“You’re killing me here, Campbell. We’re teammates. We gotta work together.”
“What will you do for me?” I asked him.
He answered with his lips against mine, kissing me, then sliding off me, sucking my cock between his lips until stars danced behind my eyes and I came in his mouth.