Total pages in book: 101
Estimated words: 97073 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 485(@200wpm)___ 388(@250wpm)___ 324(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 97073 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 485(@200wpm)___ 388(@250wpm)___ 324(@300wpm)
Being in England, putting distance between us, has given me freedom and clarity on our relationship. It’s been a long time since Emma and I have existed in a positive place. My resentment and jealousy of her has been exacerbated by her controlling and domineering presence. I’ve allowed it because I thought that was what I needed, a big sister guiding me through life.
I thought I was a bad person for applying to graduate school programs behind her back. Her anger told me so. Now, though, I see the real source of tension for her might be something else entirely. Me stepping out of her carefully laid plans must have felt terrifying for her. She wants the best for me and she assumes she knows what that looks like: a career in medicine, a marriage to Andrew, a life that mirrors her own in so many ways. She doesn’t hate my job in publishing. She hates that she can’t see into the future for me, to ensure that I’m happy the same way she is.
Emma is not malicious or cunning or evil. She’s my big sister and she loves me in ways that, at times, might not be helpful or healthy.
In the heat of my anger with her and my parents, I’ve wanted to scream and shout. That well has dried up though now. I just want to move on. I want to talk to her, but I don’t want to rehash the past and point out the ways she’s inadvertently hurt me. It’s a relief, actually. It feels like taking off a heavy mantle I’ve worn for too long.
Emma drops her purse on a side table by the door then unfurls her scarf and stacks it on top of her things. She turns to me with a tight smile and a worry line creasing her forehead.
“I’d like to start by saying I’m sorry.” She laughs when my jaw drops. “I mean it, Summer. I hate how we’ve been the last two years, and I know…” She heaves a deep sigh as if steeling herself before she continues, “I was the one who put us in such a dark place. I see that now. I spoke with Andrew after he got home from England, and though I will admit at first I was disappointed to hear that things are officially over for you two, he really changed my viewpoint on a few things.
“I know you and I are so different and we’ll never see eye to eye on certain situations, but I was wrong to treat you—”
My heart breaks listening to her apologize. “Emma—”
She shakes her head. “I’m the big sister and I know I can be extremely overbearing. I’m supposed to take care of you and protect you, and I want to repair things. I want you happy.”
“I am happy,” I insist.
“With this new job?”
I nod, smiling. “I love it. I love what I do.”
She looks so relieved.
“And what about this new guy?” she ventures. “You’re happy with him too?” When I level her with a shocked glare, she laughs. “What? Andrew told me you’re head over heels. He could barely believe it. Are you?”
Her eyes alight with wonder like she doesn’t think it’s possible.
I nod timidly, chewing on my bottom lip, and she squeals. “You’re kidding! Tell me everything!”
I know it’d be futile to try to hide my blush. “I can’t. It’s still so new and…” I shake my head. “I just don’t want to jinx anything.”
She holds up her hands as if she completely understands. “Got it. Okay. I just— You’re going to be careful, right? Not rush—” She sees my expression harden, and she blanches. “Right, yes. I just apologized for being overbearing and now here I am doing it again. You’re an adult. You’ve got this. Understood.”
I laugh and pause, looking her over. It’s still hard to believe we’re here right now, rebuilding things. I point over my shoulder toward the couch. “I’m not sure if you need to rush home, but if you want, you could stay for a while? I just ordered Thai and I definitely got enough to share.”
“Thai?” She groans playfully. “Yes. I’ve been doing this cleanse the last few weeks and all I want is something oily and sugary and fried. Please tell me you got curry.”
“I did, and shrimp dumplings, and ten other things too, I’m sure. I’m so hungry I was just clicking at random when I was ordering.”
She laughs and undoes her coat, laying it on her purse before sliding out of her shoes.
Then she joins me on the couch. “Do you think this throw pillow belongs? It’s so green compared to—”
“Emma.”
“I just think you’d be better off with something more neutral.”
“Emma.”
She throws up her hands. “Okay! Alright. You like the green. We’ll keep it.” Clearly it’s going to take her a while to change her ways, if it’s even possible.