Total pages in book: 101
Estimated words: 97073 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 485(@200wpm)___ 388(@250wpm)___ 324(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 97073 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 485(@200wpm)___ 388(@250wpm)___ 324(@300wpm)
I push him away with all the strength I have. He doesn’t look surprised, just guilty.
Join the club.
His lips are red, his hair disheveled. The only sound in the kitchen is our labored breathing, sharp inhales and exhales.
“I told you not to kiss me!”
“Bullshit,” he snaps.
My fingers turn into angry little fists. If I could, I would scrape my nails down his chest, push and shove him, unleash this rage and worry and guilt.
I can’t touch him though. I could never hurt him in that way.
“You don’t understand what I’m giving up,” I say, my voice weak now. “What I would be walking away from…”
I see the change come over him slowly. The tears swimming in my eyes scare him, I know it. He steps back and shakes his head. He puts that careful distance between us, wounding me unintentionally. “Don’t give it up then.”
Like it’s that simple.
“Are you kidding me?”
“Be with Andrew,” he insists.
“Fuck you, Nate.”
Before Nate, I’ve never said those words out loud to another person before. I’ve never been in a relationship where we would ever use language like that. It’s laughable to think Andrew would ever elicit this reaction from me, but Nate draws every single emotion to the surface. With him, I’m a live wire.
He doesn’t take the words to heart though. He doesn’t explode. He watches the tears slip down my cheeks and he wears his empathy like a badge of honor, his eyebrows tugging together, his mouth turned down in a frown.
“Why can’t you be with him? If it’s what you want?”
Isn’t it obvious?
“Because I met you.”
CHAPTER 23
SUMMER
Andrew touches my shoulder and I jolt awake on the couch. Cat is huddled behind my legs. A fleece blanket is tugged up just beneath my chin; it was cold down here last night without the fire. I needed another blanket and a decent pillow, but I didn’t want to go back upstairs after what happened with Nate in the kitchen. I relegated myself to the couch for the few hours of sleep I could manage, and now Andrew stares down at me with a look I haven’t seen in months, not since our breakup.
He understands intuitively what’s happened, maybe not the details between Nate and me, but at least the dissolution of our relationship, for good this time.
“Sorry to wake you.”
I shake my head as I sit up quickly. “No. It’s totally okay.” I whip off my blanket and immediately regret it once I feel how cold the cottage is. “Here, let me get us some coffee.”
I’m about to stand, but Andrew shakes his head. I notice then that he’s already dressed. His suitcase sits behind him near the front door.
“I don’t have long. A car is coming for me. I’ll grab coffee at the airport.”
My sleep-addled brain has a hard time keeping up. “How did you get a car?”
Last I checked there was no cell service or internet out here. It would have been impossible for him to schedule something.
“I set it up with the guy who drove me yesterday. Sort of as a contingency plan.” He looks away. “Just…I didn’t want to be stranded out here without a car.”
His confession is heartbreaking.
“You’re leaving?”
He nods once, and I don’t have it in me to pretend anymore. I won’t try to convince him to stay.
“How long until your car gets here?” I ask, wiping the sleep from my eyes as I stand up off the couch.
“Ten minutes.”
I freeze. So soon?
“Hold on, I’m going to change, okay? I’ll go with you. Let me just—”
I’m already taking the stairs two at a time, rushing into my room. I grab jeans and a sweater—the one with the least cat hair. My teeth are brushed in seconds. My hair isn’t brushed at all. I wrap it up in a clip just as I hear a car pull up outside. No.
I’m coming down the stairs fast. I won’t give Andrew the option to leave without me. He’s going back to Leeds today, and I’m not going to let him go alone.
He’s outside already, the driver loading his suitcase into the trunk of the car that delivered him here yesterday afternoon.
“Thank you,” he says before he looks up and sees me running across the snow.
“I’m coming with you.”
Andrew frowns. “You don’t need to. It’s a long way.”
“I’m coming.”
I turn to the driver. “Could you bring me back here after you drop him?”
Whatever the fare is, I’ll pay it. It’s worth it.
The driver agrees and I turn to Andrew. His mouth flattens into a line, and he doesn’t say anything before he gets into the back seat of the car, leaving the door open for me to join. It’s all the invitation I’m going to get.
We both understand that there is no false hope here. I’m not going with Andrew because I’ve slept off my indecision and come to my senses. I’m here because I want to hold his hand in the end, to comfort him the same way he would comfort me.