Total pages in book: 99
Estimated words: 93840 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 469(@200wpm)___ 375(@250wpm)___ 313(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 93840 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 469(@200wpm)___ 375(@250wpm)___ 313(@300wpm)
“Felix?”
I heard his muffled voice come from the direction of the bedroom where we’d been curled up together only a few hours before. Part of me wished we could go back in time, even if just for a minute so I could enjoy the final moment of peace between us. But then again, knowing it was the end of our peace together wouldn’t have felt that great either.
“It’s okay, Lio,” he said. “I’m fine.”
He sounded anything but fine.
“I’m coming in,” I warned him before making my way through the doorway and locking the door behind me. Through the opening to the bedroom, I could see him sitting on the edge of the bed with his face in his hands. He raised his eyes up to look at me.
“I’m fine. You didn’t have to check up on me,” Felix repeated.
“I wanted to. You may be fine, but I’m not fine.” I sat down next to him and reached for one of his hands. I noticed it was shaking, so I clasped it between my own in an effort to stop it. “I’m sorry about all of this. I didn’t want you to find out this way.”
His eyes lifted to mine, and I saw a myriad of emotion in them. Confusion, sadness, determination, and longing. The mix of feelings in those deep brown eyes made my chest tighten.
“How did you want me to find out?” Felix asked with a small smile. “I keep picturing what it would have been like to go home after this trip and run across your photo on the cover of a magazine at the grocery store. I’m not sure that would have been any better, Lio.”
I couldn’t help but smile at the mental image of his jaw dropping at the checkout line.
“I guess not.”
Silence descended as I peered down at our joined hands. One of my hands clasped his while the fingers of the other brushed lightly across the smooth skin of his knuckles. After a moment, I pulled his hand up to press a kiss onto it.
My thoughts tumbled around in my head like knotted rope, and I searched frantically for one end of it so I could begin to untangle the situation.
I cleared my throat before speaking. “I didn’t… I didn’t really intend to do more than sleep with you, Felix.”
His entire face crumpled as I realized how my words had sounded.
“Oh god, no. Wait,” I said quickly.
Felix tried to pull his hand from mine as he began stammering apologies again. I held on tightly with one hand and grabbed his chin gently but firmly with the other.
“Stop. Stop, Felix, and let me finish what I did such a piss-poor job of starting.” I watched as his eyes lowered to his lap. I hated seeing him so unsure of himself. It made me fucking crazy. “Baby, please look at me for a minute. I didn’t realize I’d start to have feelings for you, Felix. At first I thought it was just sex. But now… now I… fuck. Now I care. Do you understand? I care about you, and I want… I want…”
I took a deep breath and felt my back teeth clench together.
“I want you.” There, I finally got the truth out. I’d said it out loud. But it wasn’t the whole truth. The whole truth made my stomach churn with acid and made me fantasize about being born into any other family besides my own.
“I want you, Felix. But I can’t have you.”
Chapter 18
Felix
It was the emotional equivalent of seesawing with a psychopath. One minute I was flying high and the next I was smacking the ground with a teeth-rattling crash.
“Oh.” The word was out of my mouth before I could stop it. And then the words just kept spewing forth as if from a broken fire hydrant. “Right. Of course. I understand. It makes sense. Of course you can’t do… that. I mean, I assume it’s the… well. A prince can hardly be gay, really, so you can’t… I mean, you and I can’t… nothing could come of—”
Before I could make even more of a fool of myself, Lio’s fingers tightened on my chin, and his mouth sealed firmly over my own. Thank god for nonsense-stopping kisses.
I whimpered into his mouth as the familiar taste of him assaulted my senses. God, how was it possible his mouth felt like home to me? How was it possible I felt most alive when I was touching him?
Lio’s lips were soft and full, nibbling and sipping mine as tenderly as if I was daydreaming it. His large sure hands slid into my hair and moved my head gently to one side as his lips trailed from my mouth down my jaw to my throat.
“Lio,” I breathed. “We…” I’d meant to say we shouldn’t, but I couldn’t bring myself to do or say anything to stop his delicious attentions. I moaned and arched into him as his hands began roving down my back to the waistband of my sweater and under it to the bare skin just above the waistband of my jeans. “Yes, please,” I whispered. “Please, Lio.”