Total pages in book: 59
Estimated words: 54852 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 274(@200wpm)___ 219(@250wpm)___ 183(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 54852 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 274(@200wpm)___ 219(@250wpm)___ 183(@300wpm)
“I’m getting too attached to Finn.” There. I’d said it. Or at least some of it. But her wrinkled forehead told me she wasn’t buying it.
“You are not. Nonsense. He’s crazy about you, and if it’s mutual, that’s a wonderful thing.”
As much as my ego thrilled to hear that she thought he was as smitten as me, the dread that had been chasing me only intensified. “Not if I’m only going to hurt him in the long run.”
“What do you mean?” Her head tilted as she rested her arms on the stack of new books awaiting shelving.
“I’m a bad bet—”
“Are we back to this again?” She made a long-suffering noise. “You are not a high-risk partner, and even if you were, that’s for Finn to decide, not you.”
“I disagree.” I fiddled with a cannister of pens. Peacock-feather pens. Which only made me think even more about Finn and how much I liked him. “I want to protect him, even if that means from me. His last ex moved away abruptly. I don’t want to be another loss for him.”
“You won’t be,” she said firmly, almost a little angry. Her dislike of discussing this was more than clear, and I put my hand over hers.
“Sorry. The last thing I want to do is upset you.” I studied the empty store, gaze landing on the historical romance section, which made me sigh all over again. “And that’s why I didn’t want to say anything to you. But I do think we should be realistic about my chances.”
“Harrison.” Mom’s tone shifted to the one that made every patron with an overdue book at the library quake with fear. She was extraordinarily nice, but she could be tough too. “Have you taken my advice about seeing a therapist yet? I had hoped the move and then finding Finn would cure you of your funk. But I’m starting to worry you have a more serious depression going on here.”
Throwing up my hands, I returned my gaze to her. I hated how her mouth was pursed and her eyes were sparking. “I’m not depressed. My problem is with my heart, not my head.”
“No, it’s not. One of the best cardiologists in New York told you that you were fine.”
“That was before.”
“Before what?” Her voice instantly turned suspicious, and she grabbed my wrist like she was going to check my pulse right then and there.
“My chest hurt while we were building the coop,” I finally admitted, all my breath leaving on a loud whoosh as I let go of my big secret. “And a few other times since then.”
Going pale, she bit her lip. “Is it hurting right now? You need to see a doctor.”
“Already on it.” I squeezed her hand. God, I hated worrying her like this. This was why I hadn’t wanted to tell anyone, not yet. “My doctor in Manhattan made an appointment for me with a specialist in Boston later in the week. She also said to go to the ER if the pain returns.”
“Good. No taking unreasonable chances.” Her return grip was strong, and I didn’t pull away. “As much I don’t think you have reason to worry, I’d hate for you to ignore warning signs. I’ll feel better once you’ve seen the specialist. And I’m sure Finn will too.”
“He doesn’t know.” Dropping her hand, I straightened the stack of books.
“About Boston or about the chest pain?”
“Both. This is among his busiest times of year, all the crops coming in. He doesn’t need to hear my silly worries—”
“They’re not silly.” She stilled my restless hands with hers again. “You should tell him. Isn’t that the whole point of having a partner? Someone you can rely on.”
“That’s exactly it.” I met her gaze, trying to get her to understand. I wasn’t keeping secrets. I was keeping Finn safe. Protecting him. “Everyone else relies on Finn for everything. He doesn’t need me relying on him too.”
“I disagree, but I don’t want to fight.” Still frowning, she scooped up the children’s books.
“Then don’t.” Not wanting her to walk away mad, I gave her a fast hug. “I’m not staying over in Boston. I’ll be there and back, and then I can better decide what to do after I have more information.”
“There’s a lot of I in that sentence.”
“As there should be.” I gave a firm nod, trying to sound surer than I felt. “It’s my issue. Nothing for you—or Finn—to worry about. I promise I’ll update you when I know more.”
“I love you. It’s my job to worry. And it’s Finn—”
“You said we weren’t fighting over this,” I reminded her.
“We’re not.” She gave me a one-armed hug back, but her forehead stayed creased and her eyes didn’t sparkle.
“Good.” But it wasn’t. Nothing was good. Not my worries, not sharing them with her, or keeping them from Finn.