Total pages in book: 77
Estimated words: 73817 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 369(@200wpm)___ 295(@250wpm)___ 246(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 73817 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 369(@200wpm)___ 295(@250wpm)___ 246(@300wpm)
The benefits are interpretive at best. Cuddling at night. Kissing without reservation. Sean occasional strutting out of the shower wearing nothing at all, like irresistible bait at the end of a hook, knowing I’m doomed to bite.
And I take him out on the town now and then. We grab lunch and dinner when his new friends aren’t treating him. We went to a movie last week and even ran into Adrian’s brother Skipper, who is a year younger than Sean, as he was skateboarding by.
It’s always a thought in the back of my head, no matter what we’re doing together. What are we, exactly? What is going to come out of this arrangement, if anything at all?
Sean said time would tell.
I agreed with him and left my door open.
Life keeps changing—yet staying exactly the same.
“So tell me, has the honeymoon phase ended already?”
It’s Chase again about half an hour later. This time he’s caught me back in the stockroom. “What?”
“The honeymoon phase. You and Sean. Is it over?”
“Never really started, I think. Why is your nose so far up in my business, anyway?”
Chase lifts his hands innocently. “Just asking!”
“And you won’t stop asking,” I point out.
“Look, my life is kind of … lonesome lately, alright? I come to the bar. I go home to my cat. And when I’m not at either place, I’m surfing on Sugarberry Beach. And when I’m not doing that, I’m wondering why Finn hasn’t called me to hang out all summer, then remember he’s way busy with all his responsibilities and doesn’t have time for friendships anymore. Then I wonder what I’m doing with my own life, as well as who I’m doing it with, and I feel like a failure. Boss, what I’m trying to say is whenever I see you guys together, it gives me hope. You were like me. Now you’ve got Sean. I just want to know if you’re happy.”
I stare at Chase, dumbfounded.
Upon seeing the look I’m making, he fights a blush. “I think I’ll … uh, sorry. I’ll go back onto the floor.” He hides his face and slips out of the stockroom.
Am I happy?
It’s a legitimate question.
I don’t blame Chase for asking any more than I blame myself for not knowing the answer.
And that’s not even addressing this L word situation.
I feel like I’m in high school again, stressing over some unread love letter I slipped in my crush’s locker. Honestly, this is kind of sad.
It’s also fucking fun.
Sean keeps me feeling young. He gives me hope that my best days aren’t behind me, but rather yet to come. He keeps me wondering. I can’t predict what will happen each day that goes by, and I love it that way. Life has never felt more fresh and full of possibilities.
So why can’t I answer that basic question?
Are you happy?
Business slows as the night carries on, and soon, just a few of the island regulars occupy the bar when I step onto the front steps for some air. The light from the Quicksilver Strand spill onto the beach, though all the restaurants are closed at this hour, only a few workers remaining to carry out their closing duties. I come around to the side of the building and lean against a lamppost, watching Boardwalk Street. A car goes past. Then a trio of guys who sound (and look) like they just hit up El Amado, the nightclub. Three more cars, all headed to the north end of the island. I make a game of it and start counting the cars, gnawing on my lip and resisting the temptation to torture myself further with thoughts, worries, and unanswered questions.
Crunching in the dirt draws my attention. It’s Adrian approaching from the boardwalk with a small white box in his hand bearing the Thalassa logo. “Guess your guy hasn’t shown up yet?”
“Just a little late is all.” I take the box from Adrian and nod. “Thanks for the hookup.”
“Oh, it’s not a freebie. You owe me a drink some night this week. I’m gonna need it.”
“I bet you will.” I weigh the box in my hand, then find my mind wandering. “Are you happy, Adrian?”
He looks at me. “Happy?”
“It was just a couple months ago that you were the hot bachelor on the island like you’ve always been, with a new piece of candy in your bed every weekend. Now you have a man in your life … a man you truly love.” I look at him. “So are you happy?”
“Of course I’m happy. Why wouldn’t I be?”
“How long did it take before you used the L word?”
He stares at me like I’ve lost my mind.
Maybe I have. “Never mind. I’m overthinking. Thanks again for this,” I say with a lift of the box. “We would have been there to eat this in person, but I guess he had more to do on campus than he anticipated. Still waiting on Vann’s car to pop around the corner.”