Total pages in book: 101
Estimated words: 93425 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 467(@200wpm)___ 374(@250wpm)___ 311(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 93425 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 467(@200wpm)___ 374(@250wpm)___ 311(@300wpm)
Chapter Five- Emma (Four Weeks Later)
It’s way too hot to be wearing a hoodie, but I have one pulled on. The hood is up, hopefully concealing my face from anyone who might see me. The last thing I need right now is to be recognized.
No one shops at this pharmacy anymore, not since a Walgreens opened up a couple of blocks away. The mom-and-pop pharmacy is way overpriced compared to the chain. Fewer people shopping here means less of a chance of me running into someone I know. Or someone my father knows.
I look at the packages in front of me and try to remember what I read online. Private browser. My dad doesn’t check my internet history, but my luck he would somehow stumble across it when I was trying to look up information about pregnancy tests.
Because I’m late, and I had unprotected sex. Even with the inadequate sex education from a Catholic all-girls school, I know what that means. That’s not considering the other things that have been happening. My stomach revolts every time I open the fridge, an absolute exhaustion has settled over me, and the odd way everything tastes vaguely metallic. Apparently, that’s something that can happen when you’re pregnant.
Taking a test confirms what I already know.
Pink dye is better, that’s what the internet told me. The blue line tests will sometimes leave a second line when you aren’t pregnant, an evaporation line. I’d never realized how much information was out there about conception and pregnancy tests and pregnancy. Pages and pages of information. Communities of women trying to determine if there’s a faint line. Words like evaporation line and days post ovulation are now a part of my vocabulary.
My eyes wander to the items directly next to the pregnancy tests. Prenatal vitamins. I swallow down the lump that’s forming in my throat. Prenatal vitamins are another thing women love to discuss in forums online. I haven't been intending to read what needs to be done if I am pregnant because taking the test is overwhelming enough right now, but I fell into a wormhole.
At six weeks pregnant, your baby is the size of a pea.
A pea. That’s not a human being, not yet. Despite going to Catholic school for most of my life, I don’t share the faith, nor do I share most of their values. There are pills that can take care of this problem, and I can continue with my life guilt-free. No need to look at vitamins.
I look at them again. My hand moves to my stomach as if I might feel some sort of connection with whatever is in there. It’s too early to feel any movement, to feel little kicks. According to the forums, during a first pregnancy, it isn’t uncommon to not feel anything until about week twenty.
Maybe I should pick up some vitamins just in case the tests come back positive. That way, I don’t feel rushed into a decision. According to the internet, I was supposed to start with the prenatal vitamins before I got pregnant. Something about healthy levels of folic acids and DHA. It's a foreign language to me.
A few of the tests are more expensive, claiming to pick up on a pregnancy several days before a missed period. I ignore those. My period was supposed to start almost two weeks ago. For the first couple of days, I could brush it off as stress. After the first week, I got a little worried. I wasn’t experiencing anything like they do in the movies. In the movies, pregnancy is always so obvious. All my signs have been subtle. I don’t puke, but I feel nauseous. A bump didn’t appear on my stomach overnight, but I become bloated so easily. And there was some blood. Not enough to be considered a period but some.
Implantation bleeding. At least, that’s what the internet has told me. It feels like learning this would have been a better use of my health class than what they taught.
I’ll take the pregnancy test at the store, I decide. If the pregnancy test comes back positive, I can buy the prenatal vitamins while I’m still here. I have time to decide what I want to do.
I grab a box with a generic test and slip into the bathroom. Reading over the instructions, it's simple enough. Pee on the stick for three seconds, and leave it on a flat surface for three minutes afterward. One line means negative, two lines mean positive.
Easy. Straightforward.
I barely finish wiping myself after peeing when I glance at the test I set on the toilet paper dispenser. A minute hasn’t even passed. Two lines, clear as day.
All the air in my lungs leaves at once, and a shocked sob comes from my lips. My hand goes back onto my belly. It’s like I’m searching for them, searching for a connection. Pregnant. I rush to read over the instructions of the test again, looking to see if I did anything wrong. If there’s any chance the test is wrong.