Total pages in book: 66
Estimated words: 63311 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 317(@200wpm)___ 253(@250wpm)___ 211(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 63311 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 317(@200wpm)___ 253(@250wpm)___ 211(@300wpm)
“Okay, yes. I understand.” I nodded like a defective robot and closed the distance between us to kiss him. “Call me tomorrow or text me or—”
“I can’t do that,” he whispered. “I’m sorry. I hoped things would go better, but they didn’t and I need to fix it.”
Warning bells chimed in my head.
“Uh…right. Can it be fixed?”
“I don’t know. If nothing else, I can destroy Blower’s credibility and tie him up with more legal red tape than he could unravel in one lifetime. Small victory, but I’ll take what I can get while I figure out how to placate the board and—” He ran his fingers through his hair and closed his eyes briefly. “What I’m saying is…I can’t do this, Raine. You and me. I want to. God, I want to, but I’m not able to be…with you. Not the way you deserve.”
His broken speech and gravelly tone rasped with sorrow. My heart lurched in my chest, and not because he was pushing me away. He was in pain. This wasn’t the normal reaction of a soured deal or an archnemesis he wanted to crush like a bug. This was an internal war.
This was a man battling those ugly voices in his head demanding him to fight, to prove himself, over and over again. There would be no rest for him. And I didn’t know how to help if he wouldn’t let me.
“You deserve to be happy too, G. It’s okay to have something good. Today sucked, but it’s only one day. You’ll figure it out tomorrow, or maybe you’ll let it go and build something that isn’t based on settling an old score.”
Graham scoffed. “This isn’t an old score. This is a new way for an old adversary to fuck me. To fuck with my reputation, waste my time and resources, test company loyalties, and screw the bloody stock market while he’s at it. This is fucking war, and I don’t know how to not fight it.”
“Put your weapons down,” I said gently.
“That’s not possible. It’s business.”
“It seems personal. Like you’re still letting that jerk live rent free in your head.”
He leaned against the counter, observing me intently. “Now there’s a fate worse than death. The spaces in my head are…ugly. So fuckin’ ugly.”
“That’s not true.”
“Aye, it is. You think you see me, but you don’t. The real me…is not a good man.”
“Bullshit. Don’t tell me I don’t know you,” I snapped, biting the inside of my cheek so hard I tasted blood. “You can tell me you’re angry or scared or frustrated. You can tell me that you’re disappointed, but you’ll never convince me that you aren’t a good man. If you were so horrible, we wouldn’t be here right now. You wouldn’t have let me in, and I wouldn’t have stayed. We wouldn’t be us. And I love us.”
“Ray-n.”
I was officially coming undone. I knew better than to use trigger words like “us” or “love,” but fuck it. If this was where we ended, I wasn’t holding anything back.
“I love you.”
Graham went perfectly still, a stricken look on his sinfully handsome face. “I…I don’t—”
“I know. I don’t expect you to return the sentiment. I just…I think you should know that I sort of fell for the guy who rolls up his sleeves and speaks with an accent I’ve never heard when his guard is down. That’s the real you, and you’re pretty fucking amazing. I’m still me…a hot mess with no real direction, but you know, I’m better now because of you.” I swiped a wayward tear and sniffed, pacing toward the doorway. “You’re a good man. The very best, G. You’re so much more than the money in your bank account or the power you wield. And nothing you say will ever change my mind about you.”
I showed myself out, hurrying into the night, my chest heavy and my eyes burning with unshed tears.
Sleep eluded me.
At three o’clock in the morning, I gave up and reached for my cell, pulse skittering at the missed call message.
Winnie.
I pressed his number, unthinking, and propped my pillow against the wall.
“Cheerio, London boy! Jesus, it’s the middle of the night there. Isn’t it?”
“Yeah, it is.”
“Well, go to sleep. No, wait. Lemme tell you something first. I had such a day at the salon, hinny. You would not believe who waltzed in wearing Louboutins, a chi-chi sundress, and a diamond the size of a cantaloupe on her finger. Guesses?”
“Uh…I don’t know,” I rasped, mortified when my voice cracked.
“Raine? Hey, what’s wrong?”
“My chest hurts.”
Winnie gasped. “Are you sick? They have hospitals there, don’t they? Call 9-1-1.”
“I don’t need to go to the hospital and they call 9-1-1 something else here. That’s not it.”
“Well, what is it? You’re scaring me.”
“I think my heart’s broken, Win…smashed to pieces. It’s hard to breathe and—”
“Shh. Come home, hon.”