Total pages in book: 72
Estimated words: 71595 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 358(@200wpm)___ 286(@250wpm)___ 239(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 71595 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 358(@200wpm)___ 286(@250wpm)___ 239(@300wpm)
“Please.”
This was the boy she loved, the boy who once loved her, begging.
“Yuki, n-no——”
“Then listen to me.” His voice was tight. “I love you. I need you in my life—-”
She shook her head. “You d-don’t. You survived without me once.”
“It’s not surviving when you’re dead inside.”
She forced herself to ignore his words, saying shakily, “You can do it again. You’re just feeling guilty and confused—-”
“I’m a god. Do gods get guilty or confused?”
The words startled her, and they made her laugh and cry, and choke at the sheer, bittersweet pain of it.
Yuki took hold of her hands, and oh God, this, too—-
She would miss the feel of this.
She would miss everything about him, forever.
“It can’t work between us,” she whispered. “Can’t you see that? You’ll always think I’m weak—-” She wrenched her hands away from his hold, and she almost shattered at the look of devastation on Yuki’s face.
Oh God.
The way Yuki was looking at her now—-
It was like seeing a mirror of her old self—-
But this time, he was the one who was close to breaking, and she never wanted that.
“I k-know you love me, and you know I l-love you, but Yuki...” Her voice caught. “Love was never what kept us apart, was it?” There could be a hundred other Hikaris, a hundred other sheikhs, and none of them would matter. “So please—-”
“No.” Yuki’s tone was savage.
“Can’t we please let this be the last goodbye—-”
A wave of despair crashed over Yuki, but he fought against it. “Never.” She started to turn away, but he didn’t let her. “Listen to me—-” She tried to wrench away, but he cupped her face, using his strength to force her to look at him.“I said listen to me!”
Her lips started to tremble, and God, the sight of it shredded his heart to pieces, but he couldn’t let it make him waver.
“You once told me that we should stop blaming ourselves for the bad things that happen,” he rasped. “Remember that, senpai? And you were right.” He swallowed hard. “But there was also one thing that you got wrong. That we both got wrong.”
He looked into her eyes, willing her to see the truth in his words.
“When those things happened, when life got shitty, it wasn’t that either of us became weak because of it. It was only that we were afraid, and we let it rule us. When my family lost everything, I was terrified of how I’d drag you down. I was so fucking terrified I didn’t realize that you were terrified, too. That you actually worried you’d lose me. It never even occurred to me that you’d feel that way because for me, it wasn’t even a possibility—-” Yuki’s voice shook. “I love you.” His tone turned ragged. “So how could you ever lose me?”
A tiny sob escaped her at his words. The things he were saying, they were all too good to be true—-
And it scared her.
“We let fear tear us apart that time, and I...I let it happen again. You were right about the two-week thing being a test. You saw through it so easily—-” Yuki let out a bleak laugh. “And I didn’t even realize what I was doing until you forced me to face the truth. I was testing you, and you did pass. Every goddamn test I threw at you – you passed with fucking flying colors, but I was still terrified.”
His lips curved in a smile that made her chest squeeze painfully hard.
“Probably just how terrified you are now,” he said unsteadily, “because you’re thinking things are too good to be true.”
A smile wobbled on her lips even as more tears spilled down at her face. “You know me too w-well.”
“Only as well as you know me, senpai.” His fingers shook as he wiped her tears away. “Everything you said last night was true. About me testing you, of being afraid to trust you – all of it was true. But more than that, it was because I didn’t want to hurt you again. I couldn’t bear the thought of seeing you fall apart so I thought...it would be better if I didn’t let you get too close. I thought it would be better that if I loved you just enough, broke your heart once in a while—-”
Pain flashed in her eyes, and his hands dropped away from her face.
“I thought that if I didn’t let you love me the way you used to...I wouldn’t be able to hurt you the way I used to.”
A choked sound slipped past her lips, and he knew she was remembering the many times he had stopped her from loving him.
“But I was wrong, senpai. I let fear win over hope, over our love – it was a mistake. I know that now, and that’s why I’m here.”
And even though a part of him would forever feel he had no right to touch her again, he made himself reach for her hands—-