Total pages in book: 72
Estimated words: 71595 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 358(@200wpm)___ 286(@250wpm)___ 239(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 71595 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 358(@200wpm)___ 286(@250wpm)___ 239(@300wpm)
My heart is breaking
It’s possible that it’s really too late
And Yuki can’t ever be mine again
It’s the air, I tell myself again. That’s all.
Forcing a smile, I manage to say lightly, “That was a hint, by the way.” Dark color stains his cheeks at my words, and despite everything I can’t help but smiling again, genuinely this time. “Just because we broke up doesn’t mean we forget about everything we know of each other. And I do know you, Yuki. I’m pretty sure you know why I didn’t answer any of your texts last night.”
I’m also equally sure he knows not answering him had me tossing and turning the whole night, but this one I don’t say out loud. I love him, but I still have some pride left.
Yuki shoves his hands deep into the pockets of his jeans. “You saw me with another girl.”
“Got it in one.” I copy his movement to the letter, my hands burrowing deep into the pockets of my cardigan. It’s a very good way to hide the telltale shaking of one’s hands, and mine certainly are, after hearing another girl’s name on his lips.
“She’s not what you think,” Yuki mutters.
“She’s...not?” I gaze at him searchingly, but Yuki’s own eyes are veiled, and I’m left mentally fumbling.
Yuki rakes a hand through his hair. “It’s complicated.”
“Then make me understand.”
“You can’t. Or you probably won’t.”
“What does that even mean?” I blurt out. “Where does that leave me?” But Yuki doesn’t say a word, and I take a deep shuddering breath.
What now?
I slowly turn my back on Yuki.
But the moment I take a step, I hear him say from behind, “That’s it, then?”
I keep walking.
“Is that all it takes to make you give up?”
Umm.
Well.
I stop and turn around to face him again. “That kinda sounds like...you don’t want me to give up?”
A stunned expression falls over Yuki’s handsome face, but then he grimaces—-
Oh, Yuki.
You love me.
You still love me.
Even if you don’t want to admit it, you love me the way I love you.
I quickly turn away, not wanting Yuki to see the way my lips have started to tremble. Heading back to the ema board, I say over my shoulder, “For the record, and I swear this on my future grave, I was just going to get myself another ema. I was thinking I needed to write to the gods because there’s this stubborn, foolish boy who seems to think keeping secrets and being seen with another girl is enough to push me away. I’m hoping the gods would give him wisdom and make him realize it’s not going to work.”
By the time Yuki reaches my side, I’m done writing my wish on the back of my second ema. He takes it from my hand and hangs it himself. But when he pulls his wallet out, I shake my head. “I don’t think it’s right for them to grant my wish if it’s not my money.”
“As you will.” Yuki steps back and I drop a 500-yen coin to the donation box. But when I move away, I’m startled when he walks past me and does the same.
Turning back to face me, he says oh so casually, “I figured another 500 yen would help.”
My stupid lips start trembling again.
“Since the boy you were talking about can be unbelievably stubborn.”
“Y-you have a point.” My eyes have become hatefully blurry and when he offers his hand to me, I’m unable to see at all.
Unfair, you’re too unfair, Yuki. I want to take things one at a time, but you make me feel so greedy.
I feel his fingers slip between mine.
And the floodgates burst open.
I duck my head, mortified by my breakdown. “I’m sorry,” I mumble between sniffles. “It’s only that I really, really missed you holding my hand.” My nose starts to run, and I fumble for my pack of tissues inside my purse.
“Let me help you.” Yuki lets go of my hand to snatch the tissue from my grasp.
Realizing what he means, I turn red and wail, “No!”
But he’s already holding the tissue to my nose.
I stubbornly shake my head. “No.”
“Blow,” he says pleasantly, “or I won’t hold your hand again.”
It’s an effective threat, and I’m soon blowing my nose on the tissue he’s holding to my face. It’s equal parts cute and gross, which I suspect is what Yuki likes about it. He’s always been a terribly sweet guy, but he absolutely hates it when I say so.
Yuki insists on throwing the tissue away when I’m done, yet another mortifying but sweet thing to do. When he walks back to my side, he sees my still-red face and laughs. “It’s not like this is the first time I did this for you.”
I’m unable to answer right away, my head still reeling at the sound of his laughter. It’s been so long. So, so long, and, oh, it’s like having an earthquake in my mouth, and my lips have again started trembling like they’re about to fall off.