Total pages in book: 85
Estimated words: 82250 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 411(@200wpm)___ 329(@250wpm)___ 274(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 82250 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 411(@200wpm)___ 329(@250wpm)___ 274(@300wpm)
He left.…I can’t believe he fucking left.
“Goddamn it.” I try to shake those thoughts from my brain. This isn’t me, and I don’t like it.
Pumping my arms, I look out my living room window toward the other tower, the TV playing softly in the background. The past couple of months, my life has been so consumed with Gary and working toward Steven investing in me, it’s like I don’t have anything tethering me to the earth right now. Like I don’t know what the fuck to do, and as much as I hate the feeling, I can’t seem to kick it.
He left.…I can’t believe he fucking left.
“AHHH!” I slow the speed on the treadmill until it stops, before leaning over, breathing heavily. I miss sex. I don’t know why I don’t go out and fuck whomever I want since apparently I can’t control myself, according to the guy I was willing to make a change for.
I grab my sweat towel, wipe my forehead, and down a bottle of water, my muscles tired but my body still antsy as fuck.
As soon as I make it into my kitchen, and grab another water, there’s a knock at the door. I set the bottle down, walk over, and pull it open, not surprised to see Cody standing there.
“You’re going to fucking kill yourself running on that thing. That’s all you’ve been doing when you’re home.”
Without replying, I turn and head for the living room and sit down, letting him take care of the door.
It closes softly behind me. When he’s in view again I say, “I don’t need a babysitter.”
“I beg to differ, baby boy. You’re a little fucked up right now.” He goes down beside me and pats me on the leg, making me wonder why I’m friends with him. The truth is…I am screwed up, and I know it. I can’t seem to work through all the thoughts bouncing around inside my head.
“You know it’s okay to talk to me, T. I’m your friend. I’ve been your friend for a long time.”
“I don’t talk.” I cross my arms, realize I look like I’m pouting, but don’t give a shit.
“You talked to Gary though, didn’t you? I have a feeling you did.”
“Because that did me a whole hell of a lot of good? You’re doing a shitty job of talking me into opening up.”
Cody laughs, and I can’t help but do the same. “Ugh.” I lean forward, resting my elbows on my knees with my hands in my hair. “What the fuck is wrong with me? I don’t like this. I think it’s because of Steven. That has to be what has my mind all twisted up. I knew, fucking knew he was going to give me the money, and now he’s avoiding me.”
“Or, you know, maybe he really does have shit going on. That’s a possibility too, but I’m not going to pretend that’s what’s really wrong with you right now. You miss Gary.”
Yes, I miss him, and I hate myself for it. “No, I need to fuck. This relationship shit is too much work. Do you want to have sex? You know I’m good at making you scream.” Cody and I definitely enjoyed each other’s bodies, and those friendship lines wouldn’t get blurred between us. Maybe that’s what I need.
“Sure,” Cody replies and then reaches for the hem of his shirt and starts to pull it over his head.
My hand shoots out and grabs his, stopping him. “No. Don’t. I can’t.” Motherfucker. Gary broke me. I can’t even have no-strings-attached sex anymore.
“I had a feeling you were going to say that. For the record, I wasn’t going to fuck you. I just needed to prove a point. You’re hurting, T. It’s okay to hurt. It’s okay to admit you’re hurting. It doesn’t make you weak. It doesn’t make you less of a man. You fell in love.”
“And this is exactly why I didn’t want to let that happen!” I push to my feet. “This is exactly why I didn’t want to give someone that power over me, and I did it, I fucking did it and look at me!” I feel the same way I did when my parents walked away from me. When who I was, wasn’t enough for them. I was right all along. When you let someone in, they let you down.
“I never should have trusted him.” I pace the living room, wishing I could just jump back on the treadmill and try to replace the pain in my chest with pain in my muscles. They seem to be able to handle a beating better than my heart does.
“Yes, you should have. That’s what love is.”
“He betrayed me.”
“No…he didn’t. I know it feels like that, but he’s scared too. Peter fucked around on him for years.”
I stop moving, narrowing my eyes at my friend. “Are you really taking his side?”