Total pages in book: 43
Estimated words: 41373 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 207(@200wpm)___ 165(@250wpm)___ 138(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 41373 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 207(@200wpm)___ 165(@250wpm)___ 138(@300wpm)
“You ready to go, babe?” I said offhandedly to Rowen in the kitchen before I caught myself.
Everyone else was outside, and we were the only ones in here. I’d had no reason to say that, no reason to fake it when it was just us here.
But Rowen didn’t miss a beat.
“Got to grab my blazer, but I’m good to go,” he said. He leaned in, giving me a kiss on the side of my head.
Something bloomed in my chest.
He was doing it, too.
The moment stretched out a little between us, and when I looked in his eyes, all I felt was… connection. Real connection.
He leaned in, pressing a kiss to my lips as he reached down, squeezing my hip with one hand.
“You handle my family so well,” I murmured. “It’s going to be ten times the craziness at the party.”
“I love it,” he said. “Kiss me again.”
Fuck.
I kissed him immediately, not pausing to give a damn about the fact that we were doing this for no real reason. I sighed against his lips, calmer than I’d been all day.
My heart ached.
I didn’t want this to end after today. After tonight’s party there would be no real reason for us to hang out together. It was a long shot with the Fixer Brothers, and if I was being realistic, I knew we probably wouldn’t end up on the TV show.
In fact, tonight could be the last time I even hung out with Rowen for an extended period of time.
I didn’t want to face that reality.
So instead I just let myself kiss him.
12
ROWEN
Reading the email felt like watching a balloon slowly deflate in real time.
Except the balloon was my whole life.
I held my phone in the bathroom, staring at the screen as the music and chatter of the Christmas party came through from past the door.
It was over.
My acting agent in New York—the only person who had still taken a chance on me after my family’s scandal—was finally ditching me for good.
Just a few weeks ago, my agent had made it seemed like things were actually looking up for me. He’d been in talks to book me a commercial for a giant coffee company in Germany, a place that could make me some money without knowing anything about my family’s tarnished reputation.
But the email I’d just gotten meant that none of that was going to happen.
He was terminating service for me immediately. And now, I had essentially no more shreds of hope for any career back in the city.
I swallowed hard, locking my phone and sliding it into my pocket. I’d walked into this party with Shane feeling like I was on a cloud, happy to be with him and so fucking ready to play the part of his boyfriend. I felt robbed, like I’d been promised such a happy holiday evening, and now I was that deflated balloon.
Just do it for him, I told myself as I gripped the handle on the bathroom door. I had to head back out.
The last vestige of my life as I knew it had just fallen away, but I’d be damned if I wasn’t going to at least ensure Shane could be happy. Stuff your own feelings somewhere far away, just like you always do.
“There you are,” he said, brightening as he saw me. “We have to keep making our rounds. There are about thirty people who are dying to meet you.”
It hurt even more to look at his perfect smile. To see how happy he was, how much simpler it was for him to have a whole, big beautiful family that he wasn’t deeply ashamed of. What would that even feel like?
I sucked in a breath, putting on my best happy poker face.
For a long while, I’d hidden my shitty past from Shane. All I had to do was hide this bad news from him for the rest of the night.
“I need a drink, and then I’m diving into this party with you,” I said.
Shane’s parents' house was a bit newer and bigger than his own, but it still had all of the charm that his house had. They didn’t skimp on glitzy Christmas decorations, and in their living room, the exposed wood beams along the V-shaped vaulted ceiling all had plenty of lights and tinsel and garland hanging from them. Big windows looked out to their backyard, which was full of little lit-up stars and snowflakes.
“Drinks this way,” Shane said, leading me toward the kitchen.
“Oh, fuck,” I said when I saw the setup on the kitchen island. “I’ve never seen this much food in my life.”
They’d gone all out, and plenty of people had brought food and treats to the party, too. Every last inch of the countertops, the island, and the long dining room table were covered in trays of finger foods, snacks, sweets, and bigger serving trays of traditional holiday foods. Another long table at the end of the dining area was packed with liquor bottles, beer, and wine, just about any drink you could ever want at the ready.