Exposing the Groom Read Online Rachel Van Dyken

Categories Genre: Chick Lit, Contemporary, Funny Tags Authors:
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Total pages in book: 68
Estimated words: 66259 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 331(@200wpm)___ 265(@250wpm)___ 221(@300wpm)
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“Okay, turtle killer.”

“HE’S FINE!”

“He can’t inhale smoke, Scarlett!” he yells back. “And when we dated, you killed your own goldfish because you thought putting the bowl on the heater would help him heal from his trauma.”

“HE HATED SNOW!” I yell.

“SAYS WHO?”

“GOD!” I say quickly. “FIGHT ME!”

“Low blow.”

“Yeah blow, tell me you miss—”

“Why are we friends again?”

“Because you witnessed me dump my fiancé at my own wedding and run off with a rockstar and end up on the news?”

He lets out a dreamy sigh. “Sometimes I still think about it like an Instagram reel you can’t stop repeating over and over and over—”

“Yeah okay, special time is over.” I’m so distracted, I nearly run into a stroller. “Shit, sorry!”

The mom laughs and waves me off. She’s in a matching little blue sweat outfit and her little girl is holding a cracker in her hand and waves at me. She has curly dark hair and is sporting a pink Nike outfit with black shoes.

“She’s beautiful.” I gulp.

The mom slows the stroller. “Thank you. She takes after her dad, he’s gorgeous and so is the little miracle here.”

My throat swells up. “That’s so sweet. Well, have a great day.”

“You too!” She keeps walking, and I stand still.

Maybe that’s the new metaphor for my life. Everything around me seems to be moving and I’m just… stagnate ever since the wedding. I still have my job. I have money. I have friends and a family who, for the most part, supports and loves me, but I feel isolated and lost.

I start to hyperventilate.

“Scar?” Adrian says into the phone. “Scar, you good?”

I nod to myself. “I’m coming over. I’m bringing donuts.”

After dropping off Bruno and stopping at the donut shop on the corner, I’m at Adrian’s house in less than thirty minutes.

I knock on the door like I’m trying to escape getting murdered.

He opens it up fast. His inky black hair is draped down over his face and he’s wearing nothing but a white T-shirt and black shorts. Barefoot, looking as muscular as ever.

“Forgive me, Father.” I shove the donuts toward him. “For I have sinned.”

He grabs the box. “You’re forgiven, child. Go forth in peace, unless you didn’t grab me chocolate. Then you’re doomed to hell.”

I gasp.

“Sorry.” He holds up one hand. “I don’t make the rules, plus you know I’m technically celibate by choice, right? I’m not blind. I’m considered a—”

I shake my head. “Not the time.”

“Whatever, I could totally take a woman by the horns and—” He frowns. “I was so much better at dirty talk before the Bible.”

“Song of Solomon,” I offer up, taking a donut and stepping into the house. I make myself comfortable on one of his black leather couches.

“Her heavy breasts,” he starts. “Yeah, I can’t do it, I can’t even read it. I’m probably the worst priest ever.”

“Nah.” I lick my fingers. “You’re the best. Plus, you don’t judge my donut addiction and you laugh when I curse.”

His smile is friendly, easy. “You look like poo, by the way.”

“Shit, it’s shit, and thank you.”

“I rarely curse. He hears all.”

“So last night during the Cowboys game, you just slipped and had to go to confession yourself, or what?” I try to grab the chocolate donut, only to have him smack my hand, steal it, and sit on the couch.

“Football’s holy, everyone knows that. Doesn’t count.”

I smack him in the shoulder, then notice a piece of strawberry jelly on my fingers. I suck them dry and wink at him.

“You’re an animal.” He rubs his shoulder. “Are we doing spaghetti night tonight?”

“Yup.” I hop back to my feet. “After I’m done doing the ever lovely relationship podcast.”

His snicker isn’t at all helpful. “Perpetually single for the last year and still handing out advice… how does it feel?”

“It’s mainly advice on sex, so there!” I stick out my tongue.

He shakes his head. “How’s that working out for you? Didn’t the last guy you took out in order to clear up the cobwebs end up asking you to play Legos during your date, then want to introduce you to his mom? Who was also at the same restaurant watching.”

“She was protective.” I sniffed.

“She had a Polaroid.”

“Shhhhh.” I clap a hand over his mouth. “No more memories of that fateful night.”

He grins against my hand as I pull it away and pat him on the head. “Thank you for your wise counsel, as always. I’m off to go talk about all the sex I’m not having. You should probably go work on your sermon for Sunday.”

Adrian’s smile spreads across his face. “Fine. Go talk about sex while I go write about the ten commandments. Isn’t there one in there that says—”

“I can’t hear you!” I plug my ears and leave before he can remind me anymore about all the things I’m not doing while my sister marries the guy I was supposed to.



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