Total pages in book: 38
Estimated words: 36691 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 183(@200wpm)___ 147(@250wpm)___ 122(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 36691 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 183(@200wpm)___ 147(@250wpm)___ 122(@300wpm)
He nods and starts writing again.
After the appointment, I go home, hoping Aubrey’s there and wishing she isn’t. What a fucking feeling to have.
Inside, soft music plays from the bedroom. I make my way down the hall and stand in the doorway. Aubrey’s dancing, swaying to the music. We used to do this at night, after the kids went to bed. It was our thing. Our way to calm down before turning in for the night. Watching her I try to remember when we stopped dancing, when we stopped caring about each other. The thing is, I still care about her. Hell, I love her. Am still in love with her.
She turns and startles. The happy expression she had morphs into anger. Hatred. When and why did this happen to us?
“Don’t be mad,” I say to her. “I came home to talk. I don’t want to fight with you, Aubrey.”
“Then give me what I want.”
“It’s not that easy. You want to destroy our family and take my children away from me. Just thinking of not having them here, in the house they grew up in, rips my heart out. They’re my life. You’re my life. There isn’t anything I wouldn’t do for the three of you . . . except this. I can’t. We can’t do this to our son.”
“I don’t want to be here anymore, Nick.”
“I know, so let’s compromise.”
“What do you have in mind?”
I take a big breath and lean harder into the doorjamb. “Liam and Josie have invited Mack to go skiing in Vermont after Christmas. Their entire family is going. Noah, too. I told Mack he can go.” I hold up my hand when she starts to say something. “Yes, I should’ve talked to you, but I’ll be honest, Aubs, you haven’t been the easiest to talk to as of late.”
“Go on.”
“With Mack with the Westburys’, why don’t I fly with you and Amelie to Johannesburg. I’ll help you get settled. I’m worried about Amelie and how she’ll acclimate. I gather you’re heading to a village?”
She nods.
“Have you thought about schooling? Living arrangements? Her activities? You’re selling her on this lifestyle, and I’m afraid she doesn’t understand it.”
“I’ll figure it out when I get there.”
“Aubrey, what are you going to do with a ten-year-old who is used to living like this?” I wave my hands in a grandiose gesture to everything she and the kids have. Everything I’ve provided for them, to give them a comfortable life.
“She’s going to learn material things aren’t needed in the real world.”
I nod and want to wish her luck, but I don’t say anything. There’s no way I can let Amelie go to South Africa with her mom. It would be like her going alone.
“So, that’s my offer. We can leave after Christmas.”
“No,” she says pointedly. “I plan to spend Christmas with my parents.”
“They don’t celebrate Christmas,” I remind her.
She has nothing to say.
“Do you really want to interrupt their Christmas?”
“It’s too late,” she tells me. “I have to be there by the twenty-first. I’ve already talked to Amelie, she wants to go with me, Nick.”
“I know she does. I’m only trying to protect her from disappointment.”
“What if she loves it there?”
I fight back a wave of emotions. “I did, when I went, but I was there with a different purpose. I fell in love there. It’ll always hold a special place in my heart, and I hope for your sake, Amelie feels the same way.”
“She will.”
I inhale deeply, wishing things were different. “So, it’s settled?”
“What about Mack?”
Shrugging, I shake my head. “I’ll be back before school starts. It’ll all work out.”
She stares at me, and I wonder what’s going on in her mind. I wish like hell she would open up to me, tell where all of this anger, resentment, and hatred is coming from. The sudden dislike for Josie is concerning. I’m tempted to ask Josie if something happened, but it’s not my place because I’m trying to respect Aubrey's friendship. I fear asking would somehow get back to my wife and I would pay dearly.
Aubrey tilts her head. Is she trying to see through me?
“Thanks.”
Thanks? That’s all I get?
“Yep.” I don’t tell her she’s welcome, because she’s not. I hate that this is what our lives have come to. I push away from the door, needing space.
“Hey, Nick?” She calls after me. Reluctantly, I turn back toward the room. “Despite me asking for a divorce, I still love you. I just . . . I need to get out of here. I feel like I’m suffocating.”
I say nothing.
4
She’s suffocating. What am I even supposed to say to her? How does one respond? I feel like my life has been a lie, at least the part with her. Here I am, thinking we have the perfect life with two perfect kids, and my perfect wife is suffocating, but never says anything. When we made love, was she suffocating then? How am I supposed to unpack any of this without losing my mind?