Total pages in book: 111
Estimated words: 106806 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 534(@200wpm)___ 427(@250wpm)___ 356(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 106806 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 534(@200wpm)___ 427(@250wpm)___ 356(@300wpm)
“So, what now?” I ask.
Alec’s gaze drops to my ring. “Now I know the truth. And I still want you. Now I want to know if you’ll give me the chance you couldn’t before.”
I hate myself. All this time I was holding back because I didn’t want Alec to know the truth, but I still can’t give him the chance he deserves. And maybe that’s for the best. The last thing Alec needs is to be in love with another woman he’ll always fear secretly wants to be with his brother.
“I’ll go to the wedding,” I say as gently as possible. “I’ll play your fiancée in front of your family, but I can’t offer you more. It would never feel right. The lies and omissions would always be between us. Your issues with your brother and what my past with him makes you feel would always come between us.”
The plane coasts along the runway, preparing for takeoff. I don’t even care that I’m crying in public or that people are looking at us. I just want to be home in my bed, where I can forget this whole weekend.
Alec cups my face in one hand and wipes away my tears with his thumb. “Are you sure that’s why? Are you sure you aren’t pushing me away for another reason?”
“Like what?”
“Like you know if you’re with me, you’ll have to see him.”
“That’s what I’m saying. There’s too much baggage. We’d be doomed from the start.”
He shakes his head. “No, Savvy. This isn’t about you and me. This is about you and Oliver. Do you still love him?”
I open my mouth to object then hang my head. My feelings for Oliver are a mess of anger and hurt and shame and regret. But Alec’s right. There’s part of me that loves Oliver even now. Part of me that never stopped. So I say the only thing I can. “I’m sorry.”
He nods and looks away. “Maybe it’s petty, but after everything that happened with Portentia, I can’t handle being humiliated by him again.”
My chest aches for him. “You won’t be.”
He cuts his gaze to me. “You’re sure? You can continue on playing my fiancée—even with Oliver—just because I asked?”
“Yes.” I squeeze his bicep. “Alec, I absolutely will. As long as you don’t take it to heart. I don’t want to say goodbye next weekend and feel like I led you on.”
He holds my gaze for a long time. “I wish I’d met you first.”
I want to wish for the same, but I can’t. I wouldn’t be the person I am today if it weren’t for those months with Oliver. “We can’t change the past.”
Alec cringes and shakes his head. “Not that it would matter. He would’ve taken you away anyway. Just to prove he could.”
Part Ten
EIGHT YEARS AGO
CHAPTER TWENTY-SIX
SAVVY
Where is Oliver when he’s out this late? It’s Wednesday night, and I’ve spent the last four hours sitting on his couch studying for next week’s midterms and watching the door.
I hate the idea of him with another girl. The thought burns a hole somewhere deep in my gut.
He’s not mine, despite what I may or may not owe him, but I hate the idea of another woman touching him.
I’ve never been like this about anyone. Sure, I didn’t like when Chuck flirted with the women who came to watch him fight, but that was more of a pride thing for me than jealousy. It was embarrassing to be his girlfriend and watch him act like I didn’t exist. It was embarrassing to have everyone see just how little he respected me. But actual jealousy? This burning at the idea of Oliver’s hands on someone else? That’s totally unfamiliar to me.
I’ve picked up my phone five times to start a text to him, but each time I’ve made myself put it back down and return to the book that’s keeping me company. What would I even say? Why aren’t you home?
He doesn’t have to update me on his whereabouts. It’s not like I’m his wife or even his girlfriend. He made that very clear last time we were in New York. I’m nothing but the girl currently making a mess of his life, the girl who cost him his car, and all I’ve done in return is wear some fancy clothes and drink a couple martinis. Oh, and live here. As if that’s a hardship.
Oliver said he’ll need me again, but the originally predicted two weeks has already come and gone. He blamed the delay on the fact that Charles hasn’t been in the city as much as usual, but mostly he says nothing at all on the subject. He doesn’t like to talk about Charles. Or about anything remotely personal, for that matter.
I pick at a bowl of ice cream and snuggle deeper into the nest of blankets I’ve made on the couch. I should go to bed, but I want to know when he gets home.