Total pages in book: 85
Estimated words: 81083 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 405(@200wpm)___ 324(@250wpm)___ 270(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 81083 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 405(@200wpm)___ 324(@250wpm)___ 270(@300wpm)
I swiped open my phone and texted two words: I’m sorry.
After five minutes went by with no response, I pocketed my phone and looked around at my friends.
“Thanks for helping me,” I said. “For getting me out of there, but I need to be alone.” I pushed off the couch, not even bothering to tell Cross to stop following me when he walked behind me out of Asher’s room, only stopping when we reached the door to mine.
“We’ll be right across the hall if you need us, man,” he said, and I nodded at him before closing the door.
Alone, I let myself feel it. The disappointment, the failure. I let myself remember all the reasons I never wanted to fall in love again.
This pain right here was one of them.
The pain of wanting to be good enough for a person, even knowing I never would be. Wanting to be the better version of myself even when I knew losing control was only a second of poor judgment away.
I sank onto my bed, staring at the ceiling, wishing like hell I could take it back.
Wishing I could turn back the clock.
Wishing I could go back to the bliss I’d felt right before I’d ruined the best thing to ever happen to me.
CHAPTER 18
Alexandra
“I understand the late hour,” I said, holding my phone against my ear and trying to keep my voice at a calm level as I lingered in the hospital waiting room. “But this is urgent. Please express that to the league commissioner.”
My phone vibrated, and I pulled it away just enough to see the text from Ethan, and tears built behind my eyes again.
“I’ll let him know, Ms. Kinder,” the commissioner’s assistant said. “I’ll text you at this number if he can hop on a FaceTime call.”
“Thank you,” I said, breathing a sigh of relief as I pocketed my phone. It had taken me an hour to track down the right number, seeing how this was a weekend and beyond after hours.
“Did you get ahold of him?” Brynn asked from where she sat in one of the waiting room chairs, Daisy on her right.
“Not yet. His assistant is trying to set up a call for me.”
“That’s good,” Brynn said. “What can we do?”
I smiled at them as best I could. “Nothing. You’ve both already done enough.” They’d refused my insistence that I was fine to be here on my own, sticking by my side the entire time. Ella and Nora would definitely love them. God, I wished they were here. Not that I didn’t love Brynn and Daisy, I did, but my girls back home knew the full extent of how hard this night had been because they knew my history.
I’d texted the group chat on the cab ride to the hospital, typing out a frantic recount of the story, and had been met with ferocious support and offers to fly out here to get me, which I declined. I had no intention of leaving…
Unless he asked me to.
“How is he doing?” I asked, looking at Daisy, who I knew had been texting with Ash.
“He’s…” She flashed me an apologetic look. “Not his best right now.”
I nodded, the knife in my chest twisting. “I should’ve walked away from Jarred the second I heard his voice,” I said. “If I’d gone and got Ethan first, explained what was happening, none of this would have happened.”
“Don’t do that,” Daisy said. “You can’t play the what-if game. This isn’t your fault.”
I arched a brow at her. “Ethan would’ve never reacted that way if he hadn’t thought I was in trouble.”
“Right,” Brynn said. “Which isn’t your fault. It was a misunderstanding. It will be all right.”
“Will it?” I asked, sinking into the chair. “What about the next time something like this happens? What if he loses his team?”
“What if he doesn’t, and this all is a learning lesson on the path to success?” Daisy offered. “See,” she said. “I can do it too.”
I chuckled a dark laugh. “I don’t want to be…a burden in his life.”
“You’re so not a burden,” Brynn said. “He’s responsible for his own actions, Alex,” she continued. “And he’s healing. Learning. Thanks to you, he’s doing so much better than ever before.”
I blew out a breath, thinking about his text.
I’m sorry.
He didn’t need to be sorry; I did. No matter what they said, no matter what my friends kept texting me, I should’ve reacted better to the situation. I’d just been in shock at the sight of Jarred, at his apology, his newfound grasp on his mental health.
“You can talk to him now,” a nurse said, cutting into my thoughts.
I stood up. “Wish me luck.”
“You’ve got this,” Daisy said.
“Want us to go with you?” Brynn asked.
“No, thank you. I’m good,” I said, even though I was so far from good. The sole reason I was here, waiting on Jarred to get stitched up, was to beg him not to press charges.