Total pages in book: 145
Estimated words: 131455 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 657(@200wpm)___ 526(@250wpm)___ 438(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 131455 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 657(@200wpm)___ 526(@250wpm)___ 438(@300wpm)
My little bird has been feeling depressed since she came in at the worst possible time a couple of days ago, and I'm trying like hell to make her feel better. Damn shame it doesn't seem to be working. Rather than swim with me, she's laid out on a lounge chair with a book. Judging from the number of pages I've seen her turn since she picked it up, she might have it finished by New Year's.
“There isn't going to be another day like this until next summer. Why don't you come in the pool?” I splash her a little and chuckle when she glares at me. “The water's the perfect temperature.”
Her mouth is fixed into a tight frown as she sets down her book. “I don't know.”
“Bianca. You have to stop punishing yourself.”
“It's just that—”
I hold up a finger, shaking my head. “I know what you're going to say.”
“Oh, you do?”
Yes, because it's the same thing she's been saying for two days. She hates the feeling of lying to her father. “He wouldn't want you to punish yourself like this.” There aren't many positive things I can say about Charlie Cole while keeping a straight face, but that's one of them. I don't doubt how much he loves his daughter. “And you look really hot in that new bathing suit.”
She looks down at herself, as uncomfortable as I would expect from someone who still has no idea how beautiful they are. “It's just a plain old one-piece.”
Maybe that's what I like about it so much. It hints at everything beneath it without giving too much away. “You're driving me crazy. So either get in this water now, or I'll come out there and throw you in. You're too far away from me for me to remain sane.”
There's a lot of love in the way she shakes her head, wearing the smile women wear when their men act like little boys. “Okay, okay. Whatever makes you happy.” It doesn't make me happy to see her the way she is now, but at least she's smiling as she gets up from her lounge chair and makes her way down the ladder and into the water.
“Okay, you're right. This feels incredible.” Once she's halfway down the ladder, she pushes away from it, floating on her back.
“I told you. It would be a shame to waste this beautiful day sitting on the sidelines.” It's enough to watch her float around lazily for a short while, her face turned toward the sky, eyes closed. She's more peaceful now than she's been in days. I don't want to break that, so I settle for paddling around, enjoying the simplicity of being together.
“I'm sorry I've been such a downer.”
“I would never call you that, and you don't have to apologize.”
“But nobody wants to be around the girl who can't get her shit together.”
“It just so happens I fell in love with a woman who feels things very deeply. I knew what I was getting into.” That's not entirely true. There was no preparing myself for her, or for all the ways she would challenge me to be better than I was.
She sighs before rolling onto her stomach and slowly swimming toward me. Her body cuts through the water like she was born into it. Once she reaches me, she takes hold of my shoulders, draping her arms over them and tucking her head in close to my neck. “I just wish I knew how to process everything. I can barely sleep. I'm thinking about it so often.”
I know. We share a bed, and I've never been a particularly deep sleeper. However, she's been tossing and turning, and when she does sleep, her night is full of dreams that only make the tossing and turning worse.
Last night was the final straw for me when she whimpered a single word: Mommy.
I couldn't spend a day in my office, away from her. I might not be able to take her pain away, but I can make myself available to her at the very least.
“Let's talk it through,” I suggest. She joins me at the side of the pool, both of us folding our arms on the concrete edge.
“I'm not sure what there is to talk about. I just need to figure out some way to live with the truth.” She kicks slowly, sighing as she rests her chin on her arms. “How do I do that?”
“Life is full of these moments. Trying to decide if it's better to let things go or to possibly hurt someone you love with the truth.”
“Like with Tatum,” she murmurs, her lips setting in a tight line.
“She's coming around.” She's trying, anyway. “We have had dinner together the past three nights, and she seems a little better than she's been lately, right?”
“That's true. She actually spoke to me and appeared happy when I asked her to be my maid of honor.”