Total pages in book: 91
Estimated words: 89772 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 449(@200wpm)___ 359(@250wpm)___ 299(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 89772 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 449(@200wpm)___ 359(@250wpm)___ 299(@300wpm)
“Ugh! That’s another thing that bothers me. I hate that he’s been with so many women. A lot of which I know.”
“He’s a man.”
“I know, but still…it bothers me.”
“Are you punishing him for that?”
“No. Wait.” I glanced up in the air. “Am I?”
“Sounds like you’re punishing him for something. Maybe you need to figure that out. However, for the love of God, talk to your husband! You’re married now, Sienna. You might as well try to accept that and find some middle ground. Get to know him. Become friends. The best marriages start out as friendships. You need to give him a chance and stop pushing him away, or you’re going to keep living an unhappy and lonely life. Unless he betrays your father or someone close to him, you’re tied to Cruz for life.” She shook her head, trying to get her point across.
“You’re not getting out of this marriage, so you may as well try and be his wife. You can’t continue on this way, it’s not healthy. You’re only digging yourself into an early grave, and I’m talking emotionally.”
Living in this house was starting to take a toll on me. I never realized how much I truly loathed being by myself. Without having school, Aurora, or Massimo to distract me, I truly noticed the absence of people around me. Somewhere along the way, I found myself craving conversation and human interaction.
Aimlessly, I spent my days, wandering the property in hopes that maybe I would find Cruz. That maybe we could talk, even though all we seemed to do was fucking argue. I barely ever saw him. He was there less and less as the days went on, never telling me where he was going, or when he would be back.
I inhaled a ragged breath, knowing she was right. “I don’t know if I believe in love, Aurora.”
“Why do you say that?”
“If love could conquer all then my mother wouldn’t have died.”
“Oh, babe…” She hugged me tight. “Sometimes bad things happen to good people. It doesn’t mean you lose faith in love.”
“I can’t lose someone I love like that again. The only reason I survived it the first time was because I had to be there for my father. Who’s going to be there for me if something happens to my husband?”
“Sienna, you’re breaking my heart. You’ll have me. And if you guys have kids—”
I pulled away. “No, Aurora. I can’t bring children into this world. I refuse.”
“You can’t stop living life. Every single person on Earth has the chance of shitty things happening to them. I could walk outside right now and get hit by a car. Life is hard for everyone. People die every day. It’s the circle of life. You’re one of the strongest women I know, Sienna Contessa Martinez. You don’t surrender to anyone or anything.”
I nodded, needing to hear that. “I love you.”
“See…love isn’t so scary. It’s beautiful if you let it be.”
I thought about what Aurora said for the rest of the day after she left. Thinking about everything Cruz and I never spoke about. Including, what happened on our wedding night. Just as predicted, my aunts stormed into the suite the next morning as I was eating breakfast on the balcony. Unbeknownst to them, I was sitting a few feet away, once again by myself. They stripped the sheets, giggling the entire time. Saying some shit about how handsome my husband was and they could only imagine the kind of night we shared together.
“Oh, to be young and in love.”
It was all a mockery, a sham of a relationship and marriage. Beginning with our ceremony. Anything I needed or wanted was delivered right to the gates of this Hell. Even though Cruz made sure I was well cared for, he never fulfilled my one desire that would cost him nothing.
Companionship.
Why would he want to be near you Sienna if you’re always a complete bitch to him?
I couldn’t believe I spent one afternoon with my best friend and now I’m questioning everything. Especially, what I feel for him. All I really wanted or needed was for him to keep me company, even if words weren’t spoken.
Against my better judgment, my body still woke up most nights. Thinking he was there, watching me sleep. Every time I opened my eyes to catch him sitting there, he wasn’t.
I guess isolation could make you dream what you truly wanted, and I still wanted him. At the same time, I fucking hated him when he was in my presence. My emotions were very confusing and all over the place.
Why did I miss a man I didn’t want to know? Or did I?
The sad part was, for the first time in my life, I felt safe. With him. Which confused me more than anything.
What the fuck?
Before I knew what I was doing, I walked past his office. Conscious that I shouldn’t go in there, nevertheless, I did. From the moment I stepped into his space I was comforted in a way I hadn’t expected. The room instantly provided some type of contentment. His potent scent lingered in every crevice of the vast space.