Total pages in book: 90
Estimated words: 85950 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 430(@200wpm)___ 344(@250wpm)___ 287(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 85950 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 430(@200wpm)___ 344(@250wpm)___ 287(@300wpm)
“No excessive touching. No kissing, no—”
“No kissing? Adalynn, you can’t be serious.”
“I can’t,” I tell her, feeling like I’m on the verge of tears. “It makes it too personal.”
“Adalynn,” she says with sadness. “This may not be the best idea.”
“Orgasms are always a good idea,” the other woman says, her laughter a tinkling sound that on any other day would probably make me smile.
“It’s decided,” I tell her, giving the other woman a fake smile.
“I don’t want you to get hurt,” my friend says.
I shake my head, but I can’t speak.
There’s no world where I get to have Cash as mine forever. I rejected the idea of doing this with him because of how I knew it would make me feel. I’m fully onboard with the idea that knowing what I’m missing is going to be worse than not knowing, but at the same time, I know I’ll swim in regret for the rest of my life if I don’t.
I want Cash Tucker to be the father of my children. I’ve wanted that since I was in junior high and spent my weekends tearing apart my mother’s magazines and making numerous vision boards.
If the dream wedding and little house with the wraparound porch isn’t going to be part of my future, then I can accept that.
Carrying another man’s child? Just the thought makes my skin crawl.
The man is willing to step over that friendship barrier and do this for me, and I need to let it happen.
I know it could change our friendship, but I also know how dedicated I am to doing my best to keep that from happening.
The only caveat is that we have to go back to normal, or what our new normal would be, because a baby certainly changes things up.
I know there are more parts of the conversation we need to have, but I specifically didn’t bring those up last week because I didn’t want him to change his mind. Talking about getting pregnant and speaking of an actual baby are two very different concepts. I wanted him to stay focused on the act instead of freaking out about a kid being around. I have no doubt he’d tell me no, despite it being his suggestion to begin with.
“If you get pregnant this month,” Madison says, switching gears. “Our babies will only be like three or four months apart.”
“Exciting, right?”
“What if one is a boy and one is a girl and they grow up best friends that fall in love with each other?” she asks.
It doesn’t feel like she means it as an insult, but it also sort of feels like a jab at my current situation.
“That would be great,” I tell her, dropping my eyes down to the nail tech when she pulls the plug on the foot bath.
“I hope you don’t mind wings for lunch,” Madison says, her ability to shift subjects when it’s something she wants to do utterly uncanny. “I’ve been craving them for over a week.”
“Wings sound great,” I tell her.
I lied about this not being sex prep because it totally is. I don’t want Cash to look at me and not like what he sees.
I’m so self-conscious, especially after the way he glared at me when I went into his office last week in my new dress. I’ve even flirted with the idea of doing this fully clothed except for the parts that need to be exposed, but that felt a little too Handmaid’s Tale for my liking.
What do I do if that’s his expectation?
I never even considered it until just now.
Do I strip down naked?
Answer the door in nothing but a robe?
Could I handle being that close to him and not stripping him naked?
My skin starts to heat, my palms growing damp with a nervous sweat.
I gave a list of rules, but there are probably a million more that we need to put in place. I hate that I can’t seem to have certain conversations because we really need to line out our expectations.
My cell phone chimes with a text. I pick it up from the tray beside the massage chair I’m in, as the tech dries my feet, before placing those little foam things between my toes so she can paint them.
Cash: We still on for tonight?
I take a deep breath before responding. I asked him to track on the app. We haven’t discussed this conversation once since I left his office. It was part of the rules. He shouldn’t be texting me right now about this… anything but this.
Me: Yes.
Cash: I have Chandler covering my lunch. I should be there about seven.
Covering his lunch.
I try to keep in mind that I’m the one that made this transactional. I requested that he doesn’t linger after the deed is done. It still hurts my feelings that he didn’t argue any of my points.