Total pages in book: 84
Estimated words: 82678 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 413(@200wpm)___ 331(@250wpm)___ 276(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 82678 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 413(@200wpm)___ 331(@250wpm)___ 276(@300wpm)
“It’s not really all it’s cracked up to be out here. Sometimes, I think you have this false impression that the sunshine somehow equals happiness. The sun always goes down, Rana. It can’t mask everything.”
I couldn’t help but want to know what he was really referring to there, although asking him to open up to me any more than he already had would warrant my having to do the same.
He continued, “Don’t get me wrong. It beats the hell out of Michigan.”
“I bet.”
“Well, I wish I could talk to you longer, but I’m supposed to be meeting someone.”
My heart sank. I wasn’t ready to let him go. I hated that I’d looked forward to talking to him all day more than anything.
“Oh…okay.” Curiosity got the best of me. “A female someone?”
“Yeah.”
My breath caught. “What’s her name?”
“Sage.”
Valeria, Melanie…Sage. Another one to add to the list.
“Sage. Interesting. Are you going to take her home to cleanse your apartment of evil spirits? Isn’t that what they use sage for?”
“Not sure, but I’m pretty sure if you ever came over, all the spirits would come out to dance instead.”
“You’re probably right. I’d have the opposite effect of sage.”
“You and your snake.” He snickered. “Holy crap, that’s funny. I’m not going to be able to stop thinking about that shit tonight.”
“Don’t remind me. I still have to wash the slime off my neck.” I sighed. “Well…anyway, have fun.”
“I’ll try.”
I was literally pouting. “Tell Sage I said ‘hello.’”
After we hung up, I suddenly felt very alone. A surge of enormous jealousy shot through me.
In the shower, my thoughts were racing. I wanted to be the one going out with Landon tonight. I wished so badly that I could touch him, smell him, kiss him. I yearned to actually feel the vibration of his laughter against my skin.
You can’t have it all, Rana. You can’t hide yourself from him and want him for yourself.
It’s inevitable. You’re going to lose him.
That thought made me incredibly sad.
I was starting to realize that I had really been in denial. I was head over heels for this man, the way he made me laugh, the way he appreciated my oddities, the way he really seemed to know my soul, even if I’d done everything to hide what’s on the outside. Thoughts of him had invaded my every waking moment from the very first night I’d called him—and honestly, long before that.
As scared as I was to remove the barrier between us, I ached for more.
After lying down in silence for a while, I ventured over to my closet and opened one of the old notes.
Rana Banana,
Why do you always look away when you catch me staring at you? Sometimes, I’m trying to send you telepathic messages and you totally ruin it.
Landon
P.S. You haven’t started barking like a dog, so I’m guessing you didn’t get my last command.
That one really made me laugh as I refolded it and put it back in the bag.
For the first time since the night he’d sent it, I allowed myself to look at the selfie of Landon stored in my phone. As rough as his exterior was, his smile was so genuine, comforting. It was directed at me, and I didn’t feel deserving of it. Even his eyes were smiling—his very non-crazy eyes. Tonight that smile was reserved for someone else, because I’d chosen not to accept what he’d given me.
I ran my finger along the image. He had put himself out there, and I hadn’t been willing to give him an iota back, all because I was afraid of what I would have to admit to him. I assumed he would judge me, but in reality, no one could ever judge me the way I judged myself.
I couldn’t give him everything. But I wanted to give him something. It would have to be baby steps.
My heart was pounding through my chest, and I was shaking, because I knew what I was about to do.
Positioning my body on a chair, I straddled it with my back facing the oval mirror. My black hair was cascading down my shirtless back in waves. It fell all the way to my ass.
I took several photos of my back until I was completely satisfied with one of them. I was careful to make sure that you couldn’t see my face at all.
What I settled on was an incredibly sexy, provocative shot. The boy shorts I was wearing left nothing to the imagination. You could see the shape of my ass very clearly along with the arch of my back and my legs. I’d also put on the highest stilettos I owned. If I was really going to take this step, I was going to do it right.
Shutting my eyes tightly, I braced myself before hitting send.
After I pressed the button, a rush of blood travelled to my head. A plethora of paranoid thoughts were floating around in my mind.