Total pages in book: 86
Estimated words: 82868 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 414(@200wpm)___ 331(@250wpm)___ 276(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 82868 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 414(@200wpm)___ 331(@250wpm)___ 276(@300wpm)
Us? When was there ever an us?
“Ellie, Ellie, Ellie,” he says again. I used to think it was cute when he’d address me like that. I’d never deny him anything when he spoke to me like he is now: demands disguised as requests. Petulance disguised as dependence. Not that I denied him much no matter how he spoke to me.
“What, Shane?” I ask. I want to put the phone down, or throw it down the loo or out the window. I want to stamp on it and make sure he can never contact me again, but I don’t. I keep the phone pressed to my ear and I listen.
“Come on, babe, what do you think? It’s perfect, isn’t it?”
What do I think? I think a lot of things.
“I can see how it’s the perfect solution for you,” I say.
“Exactly. I know the kind of girl you are—you’re not one to hold a grudge. You’re not one of those psycho girls. We were over long before Fifi came on the scene. You know what’s good for you.”
I replay what he’s just said in my head. He’s manipulating me—trying to position me as having a mental issue if I don’t want to go back and work for my cheating ex-boyfriend and his knocked-up new flame. Has he always done this? It’s so transparent.
Why would he think after everything he’s done to me that I would come back and manage him? Because I’ve always done everything he’s ever wanted. I’ve been his unwitting servant ever since we first got together.
“You’re right,” I reply. “I’m not holding a grudge.” It’s true. I don’t wish him harm. I realize, I don’t even hate him anymore.
But I’m done being hurt by him. I’m done being manipulated by him. I’m done being his servant.
“Good girl,” he says. “You can start as soon as you like. You know we always work well together, you and me. It’s going to be great. Just like the old days.”
Oh. My. God. He actually thinks I’m going to say yes.
“Shane, I’m not coming back to work for you,” I say.
“What?” he says. “But you said yourself you’re not holding a grudge. I hope you’re not lying to me.” His tone hardens a little, and I recognize the change in approach.
Familiar nausea sloshes in my stomach, but I push it away. He often used to accuse me of something I hadn’t done, and now I realize it was to get me to do what he wanted. I’m not lying to him—there’s no need, but guilt still grips me around the chest. I haven’t done anything wrong. I’m not sure I ever did. I take a breath, and when I exhale, the feeling eases.
If he doesn’t get his way by pretending to be nice, he’ll try gentle manipulation. If that doesn’t work, he’ll try and make me feel bad. If that doesn’t work, plain old shouting and calling me names used to do it.
“I hope you find someone, Shane. There’s no reason to call me again.”
A calmness settles in me and I zone out from what he’s saying. I can tell by his tone that he’s agitated, but I don’t tune into the words. Whatever tethered us together has been broken. His power over me has dissolved. And I’m no longer afraid.
The emotional bruises have faded and I’m healed. I’m not the woman I was when I was with him.
I’m about to be a student at Le Cordon Bleu.
I live in Paris.
And I’m in love with Zach Cove.
With that last thought, I hang up.
Thirty-Five
Ellie
How do you tell someone you wish you’d never called things off? It’s the kind of thing that really should be done in person, but I don’t know the next time I’ll be back in London. Who knows what could happen in the meantime?
I’ve been such an idiot. All the while I was trying to protect myself, when the wounds from my relationship had already healed.
I’m not the same person who put up with the shit Shane dealt out. I know better now. And Zach is partly why. He showed me how low my bar was, and gave me a new benchmark for what to expect from a man.
Not that any other man could ever hope to reach it.
My cases are half unpacked and I just want to repack them and run back to Gare du Nord. Just for a few days, so I can see Zach again.
But I can’t. Classes start tomorrow, and anyway, Zach is unlikely to forgive me. He tried to tell me again and again we could make it work, but I shut him down time after time. Why should he give me another chance?
But a wise voice inside reminds me that Zach isn’t Shane. He’s not interested in punishing me. He wants me to be happy.
I pull out my phone and I bring up his number. I can’t wait—I’ve got to talk to him and tell him how I feel. My heart is thundering as I press call because everything has changed. I always wanted to be with him, but now I’m prepared to take the risk of doing everything I can to make sure we’re together—whether we’re in the same city or not.